


The Boy Made of Stars and the One Who Counted Them

by Tessatodoroki



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boys In Love, Character Death, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Hospitalization, Illnesses, Laughter, Love, Multi, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Stars, Terminal Illnesses, Volleyball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:06:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28816809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tessatodoroki/pseuds/Tessatodoroki
Summary: Bokuto has always felt real. He woke up everyday to live a normal life in his small world but, there was something that always clawed away at his reality. Something deeper than the prospect of living and breathing. Something that wasn’t artificial yet, wasn't ruined by the cruelness of life yet.That something was the quiet brown-haired boy he saw in his dreams.The one who made him laugh, with deep blue eyes and a small smile that only appeared when Bokuto was around.Even though he preferred his dreams, Bokuto loved living. He loved watching sunsets and counting stars until he fell asleep. He loved hearing the pitter patter of rain and the crunch of leaves during fall. He loved the world and the realness of it.But he hated the world for not including the one thing he loved.The quiet brown-haired boy he saw in his dreams._______"Don't run from love, even if you don't think it will last. As long as you love me, I still get to shine."
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 19
Kudos: 49





	1. Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for giving this book a shot! I was inspired to write while reading a bunch of other bokuaka, kagehina, kuroken fanfictions and wondered if I could try it myself so...I hope you enjoy it. I'll continue updating as much as I can! I have like a couple chapters done so they'll be here! :) Thank you so much. Comments and likes are definitely appreciated. I don't really know how to use Ao3 sooooo **** means a flashback and ________ means a scene change so....just remember. 
> 
> with love, T :)

Bokuto has always felt real. He woke up everyday to live a normal life in his small world but, there was something that always clawed away at his reality. Something deeper than the prospect of living and breathing. Something that wasn’t artificial yet, wasn't ruined by the cruelness of life yet. 

That something was the quiet brown-haired boy he saw in his dreams.

The one who made him laugh, with deep blue eyes and a small smile that only appeared when Bokuto was around. 

Even though he preferred his dreams, Bokuto loved living. He loved watching sunsets and counting stars until he fell asleep. He loved hearing the pitter patter of rain and the crunch of leaves during fall. He loved the world and the realness of it.

But he hated the world for not including the one thing he loved.

The quiet brown-haired boy he saw in his dreams. 

The most interesting part of this boy’s appearance was that Bokuto was sure he had seen him before.

Even though his memories of childhood were spotty, the little boy with the same piercing blue eyes, was an avid memory he kept close to his heart. He was more than certain that the boy in his dreams was the same one from a small interaction he had when he was younger. 

Bokuto was unfortunately sick when he was a child. His heart was enlarged which made it hard to breathe and pump blood for him to grow. It’s this symptomless disease called “Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy.” He was lucky enough to be able to get an implant device to regulate his heart size and how much blood it pumps. Before he went into surgery he was sitting in the waiting room, the small colorful waiting room, where he met the boy who visited his dreams every night. 

**********

Bokuto sat with tears welling up his eyes at the idea of surgery. His mother was arguing with some of the nurses to have him treated immediately. Before he realized someone was next to him, the boy poked his arm. 

“Hi. I like your stuffed animal!” The boy pointed at the small stuffed bear Bokuto took everywhere. Bokuto wiped his tears and faced the stranger. 

“Thanks his name is Henry.” Bokuto said while glassily staring into the other boys blue eyes. “You can hold him if you want?” Bokuto handed Henry to the boy who immediately hugged it tight to his skinny body.

“Thank you! He’s so soft. What’s your name?” The boy giddily looked towards Bokuto and made the bear dance in front of the two causing them to laugh out loud.

“I’m Koutaro Bokuto, what’s your na-”

“Bokuto, we have to go sweetie come on, it’s time.” Bokuto’s mom came over and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into her arms. Bokuto silently watched the boy from his mother’s arms as she started to walk away. 

“You can keep Henry! Take good care of him ok? I’ll see you when I come out.”

Bokuto started to cry again not only at the prospect of surgery but also because that boy was alone, not a parent or family member in sight. He was too young to be alone, he deserved Henry more. 

Before they left the blue eyed boy held Henry tight and looked at Bokuto.

“You’ll be ok, don’t cry, I’m always with you.” The boy said before he disappeared from sight by the doctors and nurses who were placing Bokuto on a gurney. 

When he returned to the waiting room after his operation, the boy was gone and Henry was with him, wherever he was. 

**********

Bokuto met this boy once, in his life and he grew up dreaming of him and his specific features. His messy brown hair, deep blue eyes and the angular structure of his features. He always looked annoyed but rarely frowned around Bokuto.

Bokuto would gaze at the boy in a coffee shop in Paris or a library in England or even on the moon, wherever Bokuto’s mind wandered.

He wished he could stay in his dreams forever. 

So he could love the quiet brown haired boy who lived there. 

Bokuto wasn’t sure why he saw this boy, who never mentioned his own name or why he visited Bokuto’s dreams every night. He thought it was some sort of game his mind was playing because he was, despite being a friendly guy, quite lonely. He never had anyone who made him feel like he did.

The boy whose eyes never left his.

__________

“I’m home!” 

Bokuto yelled after shutting the door and leaning up against it, sighing in exhaustion. Today was an especially rough day for him. Tests, classes, volleyball and the endless pile of assignments in his backpack due tomorrow at 8 AM. 

“Hey sweetie!” His mom yelled back from the kitchen, “I’m preparing a special dinner tonight, I invited Kuroo and his family over.” 

Bokuto’s eyes widened and he smiled. Kuroo was Bokuto’s best friend. Although they went to different schools and rarely saw each other, Kuroo was always something wonderful to Bokuto. 

Bokuto used to believe that the boy he saw in his dreams was just Kuroo, manifested into someone else he’d seen before on the street but that quickly faded away when he revealed this theory to Kuroo. 

**********

“Kuroo I’m telling you, I don’t know what it is but, I see this person in my dreams every night.” Bokuto said to Kuroo as they drove home together from a scrimmage their coaches organized. 

“Dude what?” Kuroo’s eyes never left the road, “You’ve told me about this guy before but why now? I’m confused bud.” Kuroo chuckled and flashed Bokuto a smile, mocking his imagination. 

Bokuto slapped Kuroo’s arm, turning in the passenger seat to watch Kuroo drive. His side profile made him look like some kind of bird with messy feathers yet, beautiful in it’s own sharp way. Bokuto poked his arm. 

“I’m serious I think that...maybe...it’s just you.” Bokuto murmured under his breath. Now Kuroo turned to him with curiosity in his eyes and a cheeky smile on his lips. 

“Me? Oh Bokuto, you miss me that much day to day? I’ll come by more if you’re that desperate.” Kuroo spoke mockingly and bit his lip to keep from laughing so hard. 

“No-NO I don’t mean it like that...don’t laugh!” Bokuto whined and smacked Kuroo’s arm, “I’m serious I don’t know who it is and you’re the only person who reminds me of them.” 

“Well Bokuto, if I’m being honest, if this is real...I doubt it would be me. If you’re meeting with this person every night, don’t you think they’d dream of you? I never have dreams like that.” Kuroo stated, serious as ever. “But, if this guy is extremely rugged and handsome, I’d see why you think it’s me.” Kuroo winked and laughed louder than before. 

“Hey you wanna know something? You might be right but, you’re the worst.” Bokuto poked Kuroo’s cheek and laughed alongside him.

He never told him but he dreamt of Kuroo that night. 

**********

The lamp on Bokuto’s desk was already on when he dumped the contents of his backpack on the small wooden platform. It wasn’t anything unfamiliar or out of place but he stopped and turned to the open window to let more light flow into the room. His shades were fluttering in the cool breeze of spring turning to fall. He felt like he was being watched. Not in a creepy way but, a loving way. Something familiar that felt like home. A strange and beautiful warmth surrounded him. He stared out the window to the little world he knew, parked cars on the sidewalk, houses lit up with children laughing, the street light that always flickered in front of his house. He smiled. 

“My world.” He whispered to himself. 

From the eyes of anyone else it would look like any old street corner but to Bokuto, it was special.

It was his. 

“Hey, don’t take all the credit, it's my world too, dumbass.” 

The low vibrations of Kuroo’s voice shook Bokuto out of his trance and he turned to meet his visitor. Kuroo’s smirk turned into a cheeky smile as he walked up to Bokuto and hugged him. 

“Missed you stupid.” Kuroo said as he held Bokuto for a little longer than he expected. 

“Hey I missed you too.” Bokuto replied accepting the feeling of warmth but, it wasn’t the same warmth he had experienced not even a second before. 

All Bokuto felt was something missing.

He shivered in cold even as the warmth of Kuroo surrounded him.

__________

Dinner as always with Kuroo’s family was a fun experience, joking, laughing, teasing each other and of course gorging out on the delicious food that Bokuto’s mom cooked. Bokuto and Kuroo sat across from each other, and to their parents' horror, they loved to throw crumbs and pieces of food at each other. By the time dinner was over, both Bokuto and Kuroo had a small mountain on their plate of stray pieces of food. Their parents, as always, told them to do the dishes together.

“Hey my food pile was way bigger than yours, did you even EAT the food?” Kuroo said, laughing as they brought the dishes to the sink to begin washing. 

“Dude, like 80% of the food you threw completely missed me, I’m going to be cleaning rice out of the floorboards for months.” Bokuto marveled, pushing Kuroo over and making him drop the dishes in the sink causing a massive wave of water to overflow onto the floor. Bokuto and Kuroo looked at each other and immediately started cackling, slapping each other's arms and holding their stomachs.

It was moments like these that Bokuto adored Kuroo. The mischievous glint in his eyes when he was obviously more strategic in the games they played, the way he always made a situation better by his presence, and the way he was in love with moments as much as Bokuto was. When Bokuto first met Kuroo, they weren’t as close as they are now. Kuroo was best friends with this boy named Kenma. Two years after Bokuto entered the picture, Kenma was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He died not even a month after that. Kuroo was an absolute wreck. He screamed at the sky on nights where the stars seemed to be swallowed by the void of the universe. 

He despised the world at the same time Bokuto loved it.  
Bokuto glanced at Kuroo as he was able to take a breath from laughing and all of those memories came to him. Kuroo was beautiful when he was happy, beautiful when he was crying and beautiful when he was mad. He was always himself and that’s what made Kuroo so special. 

Kuroo didn’t need to love the world, or even like it, he was already everything beautiful that was in it.

__________

“You know, I love the sky but, I also hate it.” 

Kuroo said to Bokuto as they drove out to their favorite star gazing spot. While they were washing dishes, Bokuto told Kuroo he wanted to go for a drive. There was way too much on his mind and he didn’t want his mom to ask him about it before Kuroo did. They drove on, listening to the soft music that was playing on the radio, Bokuto hummed along. He glanced at Kuroo who looked like he was having a hard time finishing his sentence. 

“Because stars are so far away, it takes longer for their light to reach us. The stars we see up in the sky now, are stars from years and years ago. It’s possible they don’t even exist anymore.” Kuroo paused as he pulled into the abandoned parking lot overlooking a beautiful lake.

“It’s almost like people. You don’t realize their light until it’s burned out, then and only then, it reaches you.”

They stared in silence at the empty campground about a half hour from Bokuto’s house. Kuroo, Bokuto and Kenma met there five years ago. 

Under the stars of years ago, Bokuto recounted the memories of their first meeting.

**********

Bokuto had a hard time at camp. 

All the other kids knew each other and had established friend groups, while he was a completely new face. No one wanted to spend time with him.

He went to his cabin and put on his swimsuit. Being underwater was the only place Bokuto could go to stop the constant voices of friends he’ll never have. He sighed, closing the cabin door and walked down the dirt path toward the lake.  
“Kenma! Come swimming with me!” A boy with messy black hair and a bright red swimsuit sprinted past the white haired boy. Another boy with neat black hair that came to a little above his shoulders was sitting on the steps of a cabin, reading a book. 

“Kuroo, I’m not a very good swimmer and I’d rather sit here and read in silence.” The boy, Kenma presumably, never glanced up to Kuroo and kept his nose in the book he was reading. 

The white haired boy watched in silence as Kuroo and Kenma fought without using words, their eyes told exactly what they were thinking. After what felt like an eternity of staring, Kuroo finally pulled the book out of Kenma’s grip.

“If you can reach this book, all the way up here, I’ll leave you alone.” Kuroo said, shooting his hand straight up in the air while grasping the book tightly. 

Kenma looked Kuroo up and down and turned away, walking up the steps. Kuroo snickered. Just as the white haired boy thought he was going to give up Kenma turned back and tackled Kuroo. They hit the ground with laughs and giggles as the book flew out of Kuroo’s hands and landed right on the ground in front of Bokuto. The two boys suddenly realized the book was gone from their grips and came face to face with the stranger who had been entranced with their presence. 

Bokuto silently knelt down and picked up the book.

Kuroo pushed Kenma off his chest and ran to Bokuto.

“Hey! What’s your name?” Kuroo asked, while sneakily grabbing the book and holding it tightly, glancing at Kenma on the ground. 

“I’m Koutarou Bokuto! It’s nice to meet you! I was just headed to the lake and I heard you talking about swimming. Do you guys wanna join me?”

Kuroo, Kenma and Bokuto stayed in the lake till the stars came out and even after.

The book was abandoned on the steps of their cabin along with Bokuto’s loneliness. 

That day, Bokuto fell in love with stars.

**********

“God, Kenma...I miss you.” He whispered into the silence.

Kuroo silently took a seat on the cabin steps, staring at the sky. It was a beautiful sight. Every single star in the sky was out tonight but, none of them mattered.

The brightest one burned out 3 years ago. 

Bokuto made a promise that dreadful day when the world around him came crashing down.

“I’ll count every star in the sky until the day comes that I see you again Kenma.”


	2. Lost Time

Bokuto returned to his house that night happy. Whenever he and Kuroo had conversations remembering Kenma, it starts off rather distressing but it turns to magic. Kenma just did that to people, he made them feel special even at their worst.

Bokuto's parents were already fast asleep as he silently walked in and took his shoes off, hanging his coat up in the closet. He sighed in gratitude as his phone buzzed in his pocket, signifying Kuroo made it home safely.

Bokuto pulled his phone out and checked his messages.

New Message From: Kuroo

"I know for sure starboy was with us tonight. I'm glad we could forget about the world and be kids again. Goodnight Bokubro, see ya when I see ya."

Bokuto chuckled and swiftly sent a text back.

New Message From: Bokuto

"Of course, I felt him too. Glad you got home safe. Sleep well, Sweet dreams!!"

Bokuto walked into his room, placed his phone on his desk and threw himself on the bed. He was excited to sleep because he wanted to see him again.

The boy in his dreams.

Before he knew it, he was sound asleep, dancing through his mind to get to him again.

________

A couple months went by and Bokuto and Kuroo continued to have weekly dinners and times to hangout and catch up. It was refreshing, seeing him as much as he wanted to now.

Bokuto's parents were always restricting him from doing things in the instance it puts too much strain on his heart but, Bokuto didn't care. There was no cure for what he had, just medication.

It's not like he had all the time in the world anyway.

If he was going to die he'd want to feel like he at least lived. Even for a little bit.

He came home late after getting ice cream and watching movies at Kuroo's house. His parents were sitting on the couch watching a show. His dad was awake watching over Bokuto's mom who was dozed off on his shoulder. Bokuto sat to the side of them on the love seat.

"Hey, dad." Bokuto whispered, chuckling at his mom.

"Hey buddy, are you feeling well?" Bokuto's dad stared intensely at his son's face. Bokuto smiled and gazed back.

"Never better," Bokuto smiled his cheeky grin and stood, "Goodnight dad, take her to bed. I'm home and safe, no need to ruin your necks sleeping out here."

Bokuto's dad smiled and nodded.

"I love you. We both do." His dad looked teary eyed at his son in front of him.

His son who was dying to live.

"I know. Love you too." Bokuto smiled back at his dad.

His dad who was living to die, as everyone who wasn't suffering from a terminal illness was.

Bokuto felt the familiar vibration of his phone, signalling that Kuroo made it home safe. He pulled his phone out without checking it and placed it on his desk before plopping onto his bed.

He was so tired for some reason but he didn't seem to mind. The more tired he was, the easier it was to fall asleep and see him.

______

"What is your name?"

Bokuto sat next to the boy with the piercing blue eyes on a ferris wheel. They watched the scenery below them, waves rolling and stars twinkling. Their own little part of the universe.

"I'm not really allowed to tell you that yet, Bokuto." The boy responded, looking to the side as a large star shot past them. "Your mind, Bokuto, it's a beautiful place. I want to stay here forever." He looked back at Bokuto and smiled as he always does.

Bokuto smiled back but, he kept pushing the question he pushed every single night.

"I-I want to know your name. I want to know you're real. J-Just tell me you're a figment of my imagination and I'll forget it but, I don't know what I'm doing here. I can't just travel through my mind with someone I don't know. Who are you?" Bokuto placed his hand on the boy's shoulder and pulled him to stare into his eyes. As soon as the boy stared back at him, Bokuto realized something strange.

The boy was crying.

Bokuto gasped and pulled the boy into a hug, murmuring soft, sincere apologies.

"I'm s-sorry I didn't know it was a hard topic for you. Is it because you don't know your name?" Bokuto whispered in his ear, holding him tight.

"It's not that, I just feel better when you don't know my name." The boy responded, pulling himself back, looking at Bokuto.

"It means I still have time."

Bokuto woke up in a cold sweat.

The moonlight cascaded through his window. Illuminating the room in the cold light it gave. It created shadows in sporadic spaces of his room that looked like the boy.

The boy with no name.

Bokuto hurled his pillow at the window in anger, suppressing his rage by punching the bed around him. He didn't realize he was crying until he tasted the salty flavor of his sadness. Bokuto wiped his face and stared at the shadows.

"What do you mean by you still have time! I just....want to know you." Bokuto spoke to himself in the dim light. He sighed and got out of his bed, stumbling toward the window.

He stared at the night sky.

"Kenma...I'm not sure what to do. I just wish I could see you." Bokuto opened his window to feel the winter wind and realized that his tears were far from over. He cried for the loss of his friend but, for the loss of his own mind as well.

"WHO ARE YOU!" He screamed into the night sky, "I just want to know." Bokuto's words filled the silence of the void around him. He tried to continue, there was so much left to say but, his words started to falter.

He tried to gasp for breath but there was no air for his lungs. It was like he was trapped in a glass box that played every painful memory he's ever experienced in front of him like a movie.

Before he knew what was happening the world around him fell on its side, as he hit the ground hard. He struggled to keep his eyes open and his body moving. His mind was racing and his heart was pounding, so much it felt like it would burst right through his chest.

"P-please....h-he-lp.." Bokuto choked out.

The last thing he saw before his eyes shut down like clamps was the sky overhead.

The stars weren't out that night.

__________

It was 2:40 A.M when Kuroo knocked on the Bokuto residence, tears streaming down his face.

When Kuroo got home that night, he texted Bokuto as he always did. He waited for Bokuto's reply but it never came.

Kuroo started pacing in his room. He had already undressed and put on his pajamas, although he didn't feel tired at all. While Bokuto loved to sleep, all Kuroo got was nightmares. Nightmares where he wasn't able to save Bokuto. Where he was never there for Kenma. Nightmares where he killed Kenma.

He could never find peace in his sleep because his body wasn't what was tired, his heart was.

He was tired of loving and losing, it just hurt.

Kuroo's thought process was incredibly skewed because of all the shit he's lost to the world.

There's nothing good in this world except Bokuto.

Bokuto loved the world but, the difference between him and Kuroo was that he was the world Kuroo loved.

That's why he drove back to Bokuto's house when he didn't get his reply.

Kuroo stood outside in the last chills of winter and knocked repeatedly at the door.

"Open up, open up, open up. Please, Bokuto be ok." Kuroo whispered under his breath, trying to regain some warmth. If the door didn't open in the next five minutes, Kuroo was desperate enough to use the spare key they kept in the plant next to their door. He kept knocking.

After what felt like an eternity, his knuckles began to hurt. He sighed and shakily grabbed the key from the plant.

"I swear to whatever god is up there in the sky, if you hurt Bokuto, I'll kill you." Kuroo mumbled to himself as he tried to quietly push the key into the lock and pull open the door.

Bokuto's house was completely void of all noise. Once Kuroo stepped in, he felt something was wrong. He quickly made his way to Bokuto's bedroom. He sighed before throwing open the door.

He looked to the bed first, no sign of him. His eyes scanned the dark room until he saw a body on the floor. In front of him on the ground was Bokuto. The moonlight illuminated his sweat-stained skin. He was shaking but his face was emotionless, feverishly hanging on to his life.

"B-BOKUTO!" Kuroo ran to his body and pulled him towards his chest. Bokuto's face was burning but his hands were freezing. His eyes were hooded as his mouth moved, trying to form words. Kuroo put his hands on Bokuto's face, cupping his cheeks.

"D-don't try to speak y-you'll lose your breath just stay still." Kuroo started shaking now. He placed two fingers on Bokuto's neck, feeling for a pulse. It was extremely strong. In any other instance, a strong heartbeat is great but, in Bokuto's instance, it means death.

Kuroo's eyes widened as he started freaking out. Memories of Kenma's last hours flickered through his head. He couldn't let Bokuto be the next person to die in his arms.

Not now, not ever.

Before Kuroo could call for help Bokuto's eyes widened and he gasped. He coughed and blinked away tears that were clouding his vision. He shakily spun his head around looking around the room. Kuroo took his head again and forced his eyes to meet him.

"You're ok. It's me." Kuroo placed his fingers on Bokuto's neck and realized his pulse was slowing. He took a deep breath and saw Bokuto's face contort and his throat released a sob.

"I'M SO SORRY KUROO! I-I DIDN'T M-MEAN T-TO S-S-SCARE Y-YOU!!" Bokuto grasped Kuroo's shirt and cried into it, screaming for the guilt he felt and the memories he resurfaced.

Bokuto wasn't allowed to see Kenma in his last moments because he was in the city getting his heart checked out. There was so much stress on him as Kenma's final days came to pass that his heart was in more pain than normal.

There is a reason most elderly couples die together, or close to the first ones death. It's called "broken heart syndrome". It is scientifically proven that when you love someone so deeply and true, your heart physically stops when they aren't in your life anymore. Some people may not believe that emotions dictate health but, they do, in more ways than we can imagine.

When Kenma took his last breath, Bokuto wasn't around to see it.

But, god knows, he felt it.

____________

It was 3:00 A.M when Kuroo, Bokuto and his parents sat around the table silently drinking tea.

"Thank you, Kuroo, for coming to the rescue, as always." Bokuto's mom choked out as her tear stained face tried to form a smile. Bokuto's dad pulled her into him and wiped the tears off her face.

"I-I I'm sorry. I was feeling fine, I'm not sure what triggered it." Bokuto stated, his hair damp from the shower and his stomach full from some chips he ate so he wouldn't have to take his pills on an empty stomach. "I'm sorry."

"No," Kuroo interrupted, smacking Bokuto's shoulder, "Don't apologize. It's not your fault." He stared into his eyes. "I'm just glad you're here."

"Well, we have to go to the doctors soon." Bokuto's dad stated, seriously.

"What? N-no! We know one of my symptoms is blackouts, it's normal for me. I came back after a bit. I'm fine! I want to stay here. What if they keep me in the hospital? What if they tell me I have to be on house arrest? I can't do that, I WON'T do that." Bokuto stood up angrily, knocking over his tea cup. Watching the tea drip over the table, he continued.

"I'm not any more sick than I was before. It comes in short bursts. We won't see another blackout for a couple more months, it always happens like that. I know my body. I know my heart. I can keep living. Please, let me be normal for as long as I can." Bokuto's tears started before he could stop them.

"P-Please d-dad."

Kuroo stood and, before he could stop himself, pulled Bokuto in a long hug. The two boys cried right there in the middle of the kitchen.

They cried for the memories they made with Kenma. They cried for the memories they made without Kenma. The guilt they both felt for not being able to save him. The guilt Bokuto felt for pushing himself to live a better life for Kenma, even though he won't survive for much longer.

If tears were memories, they'd be swimming in a sea full of them

It felt like hours before they separated. Both Bokuto's mom and dad had moved back to the couch. The TV was silently playing as Kuroo walked over to them. They were both sound asleep. Kuroo looked back at Bokuto with red eyes and motioned to the door. Bokuto silently nodded.

The two of them sat under a starless sky, breathing in the fresh scent of winter wind and moondust.

"Kuroo..." Bokuto broke the silence.

"Don't you dare say sorry again."

"I was going to say thank you."

"I'm always here for you Bokuto."

"I know." Bokuto stared at the sky. His eyes widened and he smiled a little.

"Kuroo look!" He pointed up at the sky and to their delight they saw it, twinkling in the distance.

One lone star.

"He's here after all isn't he." Kuroo chuckled.

"Of course he is. He never left." Bokuto laid his head on Kuroo's shoulder as they sat staring at the twinkling light, until morning came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been feverishly writing because I'm very excited for this book! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> With love,   
> T


	3. Sunflowers

“WOOHOOO HAHA, THIS IS AMAZING!” Bokuto screamed out of the sunroof of Tsukishima’s car. Kuroo, Tsuki, Bokuto and Yamaguchi were squished in the small lime green Lexus racing down the large tunnel in the middle of the city, in “Perks of Being a Wallflower” fashion.

“B-Bokuto, don’t reach too far out! You’ll get cut in half!” Yamaguchi called between laughs. 

Tsukishima was driving and Yamaguchi was in the passenger seat. Kuroo was next to Bokuto in the back, trying to fit his broad shoulders through the sunroof with Bokuto. 

“Yeah, maybe don’t hold your hands so high, it’s not a damn rollercoaster.” Tsukishima stated, placing his hand on Yamaguchi’s shoulder as the two of them laughed at the loose cannon that was Bokuto. 

“You two are crazy this IS A ROLLERCOASTER! Who decided it was a good idea to give TSUKISHIMA, OF ALL PEOPLE, A DRIVER’S LICENSE AND A CAR!” Bokuto screamed through the empty tunnel. 

The car burst into laughter and giggles, Tsuki swerved on purpose to throw Bokuto’s confidence off. 

“Careful Bokuto, one sharp turn on my part and you’re a goner!” Tsukishima called up to Bokuto, as Kuroo finally fit himself up next to him. 

He would have had time to laugh at the small quips the boys made at each other but he was too busy watching Bokuto in his purest form. 

Laughing, eyes wide, whooping happily, and being an absolute crazy person. 

But who was Bokuto if he didn’t love every moment he’s ever experienced?

Bokuto turned to Kuroo and pulled him into a hug.

“ISN’T THIS AMAZING KUROO!” Bokuto yelled, squeezing Kuroo as tight as humanly possible. Kuroo just smiled and flicked his forehead. 

“Just wait until we exit the tunnel, then you’ll see the real reason we took this route!” Kuroo called over the wind that was whipping through his words. Bokuto just looked at Kuroo, smiling bigger than ever.

After Bokuto’s accident three weeks ago, Kuroo decided to make the most of every single day he was able to share with him. March was right around the corner which meant warmer weather but it was Bokuto’s worst season. The humidity and the heat melted him and he was always out of breath. Kuroo wanted to make sure Bokuto was fulfilled enough now so he wouldn’t push himself when it wasn’t healthy for him.

Kuroo ended up telling Tsukishima and Yamaguchi because he knew they adored Bokuto as much as he did. The two of them were a package deal and Tsuki had a bigger car, which made things easier.   
Bokuto continued to hold Kuroo and scream into the echoey cavern they were speeding through. Kuroo smiled and laughed loudly as he watched Bokuto sway through the wind like a golden retriever out a car window. Kuroo’s excitement was bubbling up inside of him as they were nearing the exit.

Kuroo took Bokuto’s hand and squeezed it.

“You ready?” Kuroo asked, all Bokuto could do was nod as he continued to listen to his voice bounce off the walls of the tunnel. 

Just as they exited the tunnel, Bokuto’s joyful noises stopped. 

Above them, was an enchanting view.

It was a beautiful stadium of stars, shining just for Bokuto. The harsh black of the sky wasn’t even evident as the bright stars easily cut through the darkness. 

It was like Kuroo invited every star that had ever shone in the sky, to shine for one last wondrous experience. 

Bokuto gaped, mouth wide open and stared at the incredible view. He gasped, quickly and sporadically throwing his hands up in joy. 

“STARS! LOOK, KUROO, THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM!” 

Kuroo laughed and as he looked back at Bokuto, soft tears started to trickle down his face.

In that moment, under the light of the stars, he finally realized what Kenma made him promise minutes before he passed.

***********

“K-Kuroo, come close.” The frail skin of Kenma’s hands reached out to touch Kuroo’s face. Kenma’s calm voice cracked as he looked into Kuroo’s bloodshot eyes. 

“I wish I could stay longer, Kuroo, but I can’t.” Kenma stated, a small smile tugging at his lips. 

“NO! You can hold on! Kenma….I don’t want to do this without you. Please, please don’t leave me.” Kuroo’s voice faltered as he laid his head on Kenma’s chest, lovingly hugging the boy made of bones. 

“Kuroo, the pain is unbearable. P-please.” Kenma sniffled and placed his hands in Kuroo’s hair, feeling the silkiness of it. He sat in silence, breathing in Kuroo’s scent for what may be the last time.

Kuroo listened to Kenma’s heart. The dull beating made him sob harder. It pained him to know Kenma was staying as long as he could for him, until the last second. 

“Kenma I love you.”

“Kuroo, I love you.” 

They cried in each other's company for the last time. 

“Kuroo, listen to me.” Kenma slowly lifted Kuroo’s head, cupping his face and using his thumbs to wipe the tears away. 

“I want you to promise me something.” Kenma choked out, watching Kuroo carefully. 

“Bokuto isn’t here to see me like this and I prefer that. I want you to promise me that you both will love the world. You both will always be lights that shine even in the darkest places. I don’t want his light to burn out with me, nor do I want yours.” Kenma pulled Kuroo’s face to his and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“Keep living, I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll see you in the stars, my love.” 

Kenma left the world not long after that. 

**********

“Keep living, huh, I hope you’re watching. Wherever you are.” Kuroo mumbled under his breath, wiping away stray tears. He smiled at the stars and closed his eyes. He threw his head back and let out a long, guttural scream. A scream he hoped Kenma could hear. After a couple seconds, Bokuto joined in, so did Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. 

All of them screamed to the sky and in their echo, Kuroo could swear he heard the faint sound of Kenma’s laugh. 

Bokuto seemed to hear it too because he grabbed Kuroo’s hand. His eyes never left the sky as he kept screaming. 

“DID WE REACH YOU?” Bokuto called, as a sob etched his throat. He smiled with his tears. 

“You did.” The stars seemed to tell us.“You always have.” 

The four boys screamed until their throats were raw, under a sky that seemed to listen and reply. 

__________

Bokuto went to bed that night with the best feeling in his heart. It felt like everything he held against himself, all of the guilt regarding Kenma’s death, was gone. He laid in bed and couldn’t help but laugh out loud as memories from camp, volleyball practice, and sleepovers came back to him. 

“Kenma, you’re such a tyrant, ya know? Always taking over my thoughts.” He chuckled to himself. Bokuto closed his eyes and sighed, quickly sending a text to Kuroo. 

New Message From: Bokuto  
“Hey! I’m going to head to bed, thanks for an awesome night. We have to hang with Tsuki and Yams more, they are the best. Goodnight!”

Bokuto got up, placed his phone on his desk and sat at the end of his bed. He sat in silence, with his eyes closed, and the window open. He listened for the faint sound of twinkling stars and memories from the past. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened in shock as a familiar warmth seeped through the cool breeze of late February. He got up and sprinted to the large window. He stuck his head out, desperate to figure out where that warmth was coming from. 

There was nothing in his line of sight that felt as warm as the area around him did.

“I don’t know what this is.” Bokuto murmured to himself. 

The warmth was so comforting that he felt himself getting drowsy. He giggled to himself and made his way back to bed, falling down with a soft thud. 

“Goodnight stars, see you tomorrow.” 

_________

“Bokuto, so tell me about your day today!” The boy stared at him over two professionally crafted cannolis, in an italian bakery, in Florence. 

Bokuto shook his head and laughed. 

“Today was insane, I don’t think I’ve felt that alive in a long time.” Bokuto took a large bite out of his cannoli, spilling it down his shirt. The boy laughed as he threw a folded napkin at him. 

“Don’t get too excited now, we can’t waste the precious food.” The boy laughed as his eyes sparkled in the setting sun behind Bokuto. They were sitting in an outside cafe in the warm breeze of summer. The boy marveled at the way Bokuto looked, the orange aura from the sun made Bokuto look like an angel. His hair looked like beautiful flames and his big, cheeky smile, made the boy’s heart leap into his throat. 

“Hey, at least I’m not staring at you like some sort of psychoanalyst.” Bokuto said mockingly, throwing the napkin covered with cream filling at the boy. It hit him square in the face and as the napkin slid off, Bokuto was met with a grimace. 

“You don’t look as scary as you usually do, HA YOU’VE GOT CREAM ON YOUR NOSE!” Bokuto yelled, throwing his head back and laughing loudly. 

“Oh? You want to play that game?” The boy said, mischievously grabbing his own cannoli. He crushed the small cream filled pastry in his hands. 

Bokuto was still laughing and was unprepared for when the boy walked towards him and wiped his hand over Bokuto’s entire face. 

Bokuto stopped laughing and stared, slack-jawed at the boy. 

“WHY YOU LITTLE!” Bokuto got up and tackled the boy, laughing as he did so. Before he knew what was happening, they went flying over the railing of the cafe and plummeted down. They passed clouds and birds as they slowly floated down, wrestling in the smooth air of his mind.

Bokuto and the boy held each other tightly. Laughing their heads off as Bokuto made small remarks about how the cream filling actually made the boy look better. 

They landed softly in a field of sunflowers, the cream on both of their faces was long gone as they wrestled in the sea of yellow.

“Hey, OK, I’M DONE YOU, WIN!” The boy pushed himself away from Bokuto, catching his breath. 

“HA! I knew I would.” Bokuto plopped down next to the boy squishing his cheeks as the piercing blue eyes shot daggers at him. 

They laughed for a while, as the sky above quickly grew dark and large stars appeared. Bokuto laid back and looked up at the view, breathing heavily. 

“It feels good, you know, being able to breathe without worrying my heart will stop.” Bokuto remarked. 

“It’s why I hate waking up. You’re the only person who experiences me when I’m normal. I hate the me who’s awake. I want to be the me I am here, happy and free, able to breathe.” Bokuto said, reaching his hands up to the large stars, counting in his head. 

“Well, I disagree with that,” The boy whispered, “You aren’t you here. Your illness isn’t just a stepping stone, it’s what has led you to this exact moment in time. It’s what led you to me, Koutarou Bokuto.” The boy laid next to him. 

As much as the stars enticed the boy, he couldn’t pull his eyes off the beautiful complexity that was laying next to him. 

“Whatever happens, you’ll always have me. In every world, in every universe, I’m there.” 

“But, you’re not in mine. You’re just in my head, how is that supposed to save me?” Bokuto wondered, turning his head to meet the eyes of the boy he grew up with. A boy who somehow existed once but disappeared as soon as Bokuto woke up. 

“I will be in yours, just live a little longer, I’ll see you soon ok?” The boy started to fade as he always did when morning came. 

“Live a little longer, Koutarou.”

________

Bokuto blinked in the orange haze of morning. He sighed and sat up looking toward the curtains blowing in the wind. A warm breeze filled his sunlit room. Bokuto’s eyes grew wide, as he realized why he woke so early. 

He left the window open all night?

He got up and quickly moved to the window, reaching out to shut it, but he stopped in his tracks.

The silence he created was deafening when he realized what he was looking at. 

His eyes filled with tears which dribbled down his face like diamonds.

The familiar warmth surrounded him and this time, Bokuto was sure it wasn’t from the sun.

The boy’s words echoed in his mind. 

“Live a little longer, Koutarou.”

On the perch of his window sat a large yellow sunflower, facing toward the rising sun, as sunflowers always pointed toward the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) 
> 
> I've been writing so feverishly lolll
> 
> Hope you're enjoying! 
> 
> I'd love to hear what you guys think so far let me knowww! 
> 
> With love, 
> 
> T


	4. Uncharted Waters

Bokuto sat at the dinner table a couple days after the sunflower incident. He was out of his element, completely dissociating with the world. 

He couldn’t figure out what the hell was happening in his mind and the life he was actually living.

He ate all of his food in silence, placed his dishes in the sink and stalked back to his room as he had done for 3 days.   
Bokuto checked his phone and sighed in exasperation.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi invited him to hang out tomorrow morning with some of their other friends, but Bokuto had a slight problem. 

He hadn’t been sleeping. 

He couldn’t seem to fall back to sleep. 

After the sunflower appeared on his windowsill that morning, he could not come to a believable conclusion to its existence. 

He hadn’t seen the boy in 3 days. 

He plopped himself on the bed and tried to close his eyes but his phone started ringing. He rolled his eyes and pulled the phone out of his pocket. The blue light illuminated his face as the caller ID read: Kuroo.

Bokuto picked it up. 

“HEY! Bokuto I haven’t seen you in a bit, are you ok?” Kuroo’s low voice vibrated through the phone into Bokuto’s body. 

“Yeah, I’m alright, I haven’t been sleeping very well.” Bokuto murmured while yawning.

“Wait, what do you mean? Do you not see the guy anymore?” Kuroo asked, with sheer curiosity dripping from his tone.

“It’s more complicated than that….I just, I’m gonna go try to sleep.” Bokuto mumbled, turning on his side. 

“No you’re not, actually, I already talked to your parents. You’re sleeping over my house. Get your stuff together, but first come open the door for me.” Bokuto could practically hear the smirk in his voice. He laughed out loud for the first time in three days.

“Oh my god, you’re an idiot.”

“You love this idiot. Now, get your ass out here.”

___________

Kuroo’s house was a little different than his own. His parents were never home as much as Bokuto’s and this week, they were away on business. It always hurt Bokuto to be near Kuroo’s house.

He used to be neighbors with Kenma

Too many old memories. 

Bokuto’s hooded eyes glanced over at the old house. In his hazed mind he was a little bit more unstable than the average kid. He loved sleep and being without it, he felt like an addict going through withdrawals. 

Kuroo opened the door to his house and Bokuto stepped inside. He didn’t even bother taking his jacket off as he kicked his shoes off and lazily stumbled to Kuroo’s room. He plopped down on Kuroo’s bed and groaned into the pillows. 

“Come on, Bokuto, what’s the issue.” Kuroo sat at the end of the bed, worriedly looking over Bokuto’s body. 

“You’re not going to believe me because, even I don’t believe me.” Bokuto sighed and turned around, staring at the ceiling

“I will always believe you Bokuto. I might joke around but, you’re my best friend. Nothing you say is insignificant. Nothing you feel is invalid. Understand?” Kuroo flopped himself down next to Bokuto, turning toward him. Bokuto’s eyes were glassy and tired as he stared at the grey ceiling. 

He looked empty.

Kuroo’s stomach twisted as he watched his gaze. 

Bokuto’s yellow eyes did not sparkle as they did three days ago. 

“Tell me what happened.” Kuroo stated his voice level. 

Bokuto continued to stare at the ceiling. He took a deep breath and told Kuroo everything. 

The cannoli fight, falling over the balcony into a sunflower field, the conversation they had and how he woke up, to an actual sunflower on his windowsill. 

They sat in silence for a bit as Kuroo registered what Bokuto just told him. 

“So, you haven’t been able to sleep because the world you loved so deeply, may be a lie?” Kuroo questioned, turning back to stare at the ceiling. 

His mind was racing with all the information he was just given. He knew Bokuto wasn’t lying because of the way he was acting now. 

The only other time Kuroo saw Bokuto this empty was when we lost Kenma.

Kuroo shook his head before he resurfaced those memories again. 

“I just don’t know what this is supposed to mean. All of the things this boy has told me. I’m worried but, I don’t really have a reason to be. I’ve wanted to meet him for so long. If he’s dropping me off flowers and giving me good advice, that’s only a plus, right? So, why do I feel so completely, empty?” Bokuto rolled over so he was facing Kuroo. Kuroo rolled over as well so they were face to face. 

“Listen, Bokuto, here’s what we do tonight. We are going to drink some tea, take a sleeping pill and we will see what happens in the morning. If you still feel like this, we can cancel on Tsuki and Yams and you can sleep all day. Ok?” Kuroo calmly presented the conclusion he came to in the quiet stillness of the night around them. Bokuto nodded, watching Kuroo’s eyes turn big as he softly smiled. 

“You’ll be ok, Bokuto, I promise.”   
___________

It was 10:30 P.M. when the sleeping pill finally hit Bokuto. 

He fell into a deep sleep, completely oblivious to the world around him.  
Kuroo let Bokuto have the bed so he could watch over him. He was sitting at his desk chair, under the pale moonlight, watching him sleep. When he realized Bokuto was finally sleeping, he took a deep breath. 

Kuroo was about to pull his pajamas on and go to sleep when movement from the bed prompted him to pay attention. 

He quickly turned toward it to see Bokuto tossing and turning, groaning incoherent thoughts. He was mumbling too much. Kuroo couldn’t make out any actual words. 

Just as Kuroo was going to wake him up, Bokuto fell silent again. Kuroo backed up slightly, watching Bokuto. After a couple minutes of silence, he approached the sleeping boy. He made sure his breathing was regular and his pulse was normal. He sighed and finally was able to get ready for bed himself. 

He laid there, listening to Bokuto’s breathing. Before he knew it, the warm sound of his best friend, lolled him to sleep.   
___________  
***********  
“Hey, Bokuto! Come jump off the dock with me, we can get closer to the stars that way!”  
Kenma climbed on to the dock and pulled Bokuto up. They stood there, soaking wet, watching the sky full of stars. 

“LOOK!” Kenma pointed, “A shooting star! Wow, I’ve never seen one before! I have to make a wish now...I wonder what I should wish for.” 

“Wish to be super tall when you’re older!” Kuroo chimed in from the water. 

Kenma looked towards Kuroo and stuck his tongue out, “No way, it has to be special since it’s my first shooting star ever!”

Kenma though in the stillness of friends and laughter. 

“I’ve got it,” Kenma finally replied, “I wish that we will stay friends forever and ever, until the very end.” 

“UNTIL THE VERY END!” All three of them repeated before Kenma took Bokuto’s hand and they went flying off the dock into the black lake, illuminated only by the stars. 

************

Bokuto opened his eyes. He was sitting in a small wooden chair in the middle of a sidewalk surrounded by cherry blossom trees. The wind was soft against his face. The scent of spring brought nostalgic memories to his mind. 

He tried to remember what memories were trying to resurface but, his mind was foggy, blank, empty. 

He sighed and stood from the chair, walking the only direction he could go, forward. Halfway through he noticed a person at the end.

Even from a distance he would recognize those piercing blue eyes anywhere. 

“H-HEY!” Bokuto yelled, starting to run toward him. “HEY, YOU! DID YOU LEAVE ME A SUNFLOWER?” 

The boy turned around and started to slowly walk in the opposite direction of Bokuto. Boktuo screamed at him as his vision became hazy. He clutched at his heart, continuing to push forward. Before Bokuto knew what was happening, he landed on the ground, hard. His mind was racing. 

If he was dreaming why couldn’t he run? Why couldn’t he breathe? 

The boy walking away from him was all he saw before his eyes slowly fluttered closed, surrounding him in darkness. 

“Keep living, I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll see you in the stars, my love.” 

Bokuto heard a familiar voice speak, as his eyes fluttered open again. He was standing in an empty hospital room. 

His body started moving before he could control it. Strange words and faces passed through his mind. He was scared because he suddenly had knowledge of these people he’d never met before. He tried to scream but he had no control of any of his body parts. He sat in the glass box again, watching memories overflow like a movie but, this time he was frightened. 

They weren’t his memories. 

He saw Kuroo delivering flowers to Kenma, he watched them steal kisses while they thought nobody was looking, he watched as Kuroo slept in that room, everyday until finally……

A monitor beeped and Bokuto gasped as he watched Kenma’s lifeless body turn to dust as his dream faded. 

He tried to stop it, he wanted to see Kenma, he wanted to know what it was he went through. He didn’t want him to be alone in his pain. 

As if the body he was in could read his thoughts, a familiar voice responded. 

“Bokuto, it’s ok. I handled the pain for you, now you can experience the good memories of him from me.”

The boy with the blue eyes.

Bokuto’s mind was going a million miles per hour. He had no clue what was going on and no idea how he was going to escape. 

“Relax, you’ll wake up in a couple minutes, I wanted to show you one last thing.” 

The body walked out of the empty hospital room to a small waiting room. Bokuto felt his heart sink.

Every single person that had ever known Kenma was crammed into that waiting room. 

Everyone except him, his jokester, his starboy buddy, his best friend. 

“Bokuto, you don’t have to be upset you missed it, I decided to leave you alone so I could retain the memories you will one day want to see. You can ask me about them anytime you want. I apologize for the scary nights, spending all alone, not wanting to make contact with me, I understand. I was taking a risk in doing that but, we will meet face to face soon. I promise.”

The teary eyed looks of everyone in the waiting room began to fade as Kenma’s voice repeated in Bokuto’s head.

“Keep living, I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll see you in the stars, my love.”  
__________

Bokuto sat up straight in the darkness of the room he fell asleep in. He immediately knew it wasn’t his because it would never be this dark. 

He took a deep breath and recounted the events of his dream. He had a new understanding of the blue eyed boy. He couldn't believe he spent three days awake for no reason.

All he had to do was fall asleep and ask. Bokuto laughed to himself as he felt the emptiness he was feeling for three days melt away. 

“Keep living, I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll see you in the stars, my love.” He mumbled under his breath. 

Before Bokuto could register a person’s presence in his room, Kuroo dropped the tea cup he was holding. It made a crash on the floor, breaking into tiny pieces. 

Bokuto’s head snapped toward the noise and met Kuroo’s eyes, he looked like he had seen a ghost. 

“Kuroo, what’s wro-”

“Where did you hear those words?” Kuroo interrupted, shakily.

“Um, the boy in my dreams, he said them to me.” 

Kuroo shook his head and closed his eyes, he started to pace. 

“What are those words Kuroo, I’m confused.” Bokuto’s eyes finally met Kuroo’s glassy ones.

“They were….Kenma’s final ones.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened and a fresh stream of tears cascaded down his face. 

“K-Kenma?” Bokuto stuttered out, as the two of them cried together. 

Finally the air around them grew still, but Kuroo's eyes were still wide in thought. He shot up and continued to pace.

“It’s impossible, how would he know those words? I don’t understand unless….UNLESS!” Kuroo stopped pacing and snapped his head toward Bokuto. He started breathing heavily and ran to Bokuto tackling him in a hug. 

“Bokuto! I figured out who the boy is in your dreams.”

His brows knit in confusion as he watched tears form in Kuroo’s eyes. 

“It’s Kenma.” 

As much as Bokuto wanted to believe the conclusion Kuroo came too, he couldn’t.

Under Kuroo’s tears and shaky gasps, Bokuto came to his own conclusion. 

It wasn’t Kenma

There’s no way he wouldn't recognize his own best friend.   
__________

After Bokuto and Kuroo stopped crying, Bokuto told Kuroo every single detail of the dream he just experienced. 

Kuroo thought for a while about it and all he came up with was that it was Kenma.

“I-I don’t think that’s it. Why would I not realize it was my best friend for all these years?” Bokuto glanced at the leaves blowing by in the breeze outside. 

How free and happy they were, much unlike him. 

“I’m not sure but, it doesn’t make any sense how he would know Kenma’s last words.” Kuroo placed his head in his hands and sighed loudly. 

“I don’t get it Bokuto, who is this person?” Kuroo looked back up with a hint of rage in his eyes. 

Bokuto was taken aback. 

“He thinks he can just, saunter in here, reveal to you the memories that Kenma specifically told me not tell you, and then….make you remember and relive them. It’s not his place to decide that.” 

“It wasn’t Kenma’s place either.” Bokuto shot back, glancing down at the tea in front of him. “It was neither of their jobs to dictate my life, what I’m able to handle and what I am not. I loved him too. If I could’ve been there, I would have.” Bokuto kept his head down, afraid of Kuroo’s expression at his sudden confidence to talk back about Kenma. 

“I-I’m sorry, you’re right Bokuto. You’re probably the best person to have experienced that. Out of me and you, you will probably have to at one point. I don’t want to see it happen again, so I’m going to make sure, this time, you live a long life. Ok?” Kuroo’s eyes twinkled with tears.

“I-I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to defend this dream boy over Kenma. I understand his thought process. I just...would rather have heard all of what I learned last night from you, not some nameless boy in my dreams.” As Bokuto finished his sentence, he realized something. 

Finally, the puzzle pieces fit into place.

Bokuto’s eyes shot up.

“No, wait, this proves so much! He knew Kenma’s last words, because he was there in my place. He IS REAL! This proves why the sunflower was on my windowsill and it proves why I saw memories I had never experienced.” Bokuto gasped and stared at Kuroo, who was not retaining the information well. 

Bokuto knew it was a long shot but, it’s the only thing that makes a little sense through all of this nonsense. 

“I understand that but, I was alone in the room, with the door closed when Kenma said those words. How does he know them?” Kuroo asked in all seriousness. 

Bokuto was silent, without an answer. 

“What kind of person lives in dreams, yet can experience and remember real events on this earth? What king of being, resides in the minds of others, yet, also in reality?”  
________

Kuroo’s question echoed in Bokuto’s mind as he drove him home in silence. 

Bokuto had always thought it was Kenma. 

The boy who never said his name, he was quiet until spoken to, he was shy until something excited him and he was always calm. If it was Kenma, would Bokuto have known if it weren’t for Kuroo? 

Questions swirled through Bokuto’s mind as he closed his eyes and ran through the dream in his head over and over again.   
Kuroo broke the silence first.

“Now that you know, feel free to ask me anything about Kenma’s experience and all that it entailed. I’m sorry I never told you sooner. I just didn’t want to put more stress on your heart.”

Bokuto placed a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze.

“No need to apologize. Kenma was the best of us. If he wanted to keep that a secret between you two, I can’t disagree. Nothing is different, nothing is changed, you’re still my best friend and I’m still yours. Until the very end, remember?”

Kuroo looked at Bokuto and smiled.

“Until the very end.”


	5. Breath

“HERE!” 

It had been a month and a half since the sunflower incident. With the warm weather, Kuroo started to take matters into his own hands and pulled Bokuto along to every single event he had outside of his house. 

That meant tying Bokuto down to the bleachers as he watched one of Nekoma’s volleyball scrimmages. It pained Kuroo to glance at Bokuto as he watched others play volleyball. The way Bokuto looked at stars was the same way he looked at volleyball. He loved most things on this earth but volleyball was something special.

It made him feel closer to the one who used to set to him, Kenma.

“OVER HERE!” The high pitched voice of Hinata Shouyou shot through the humid air of the sweat scented gym at Karasuno High School.

Bokuto’s eyes widened as he watched, completely entranced by the new and improved Karasuno team. 

The sound of squeaking sneakers on a hardwood floor and grunts from the court took Bokuto back to his days of volleyball.

He went to the doctors two weeks ago and they told him volleyball was going to disappear in his near future. His heart was beginning to respond slower and slower each day he pushed himself in practice. Bokuto scoffed at this.

He was the captain, there was no way he was going to surrender his position for his stupid heart. 

“YES! HA!” Hinata landed on his feet before tumbling backwards after successfully completing the super quick attack, him and Kageyama have just about perfected. 

“THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT LITTLE DUDE!” Tanaka rushed to Hinata’s side and tackled the small boy. They laughed as Nishinoya jumped up on top of Tanaka, starting to dog pile the small red-haired flame. 

“HEY! There’s still a game going on! Get up!” Daichi Sawamura, captain of the team, yelled from the center of the court. 

“You’ll be running suicides for hours if you don’t TREAT THIS LIKE A REAL GAME!” Coach Ukai screamed from the sidelines. 

Bokuto chuckled, he could practically see the steam rising from Ukai’s ears in anger at the immature boys. 

“Sorry Coach, I just wanted to congratulate him.” Tanaka said, pulling Hinata up so forcefully that he flew up and landed back on his face. Nishinoya was still on the ground rolling in laughter. There was a wave of whooping as the two teams erupted in noise. Bokuto chuckled, catching Kuroo’s eyes. 

Kuroo’s smile was so warm, but his smile quickly faded as the ball hit him square in the face.

The air was still as the thump echoed through the gym. 

Finally, Bokuto let out a shrill laugh. He held his stomach, cackling in the silent gym. No one knew if it was appropriate to laugh when the captain gets nailed in the face but, the volume of Bokuto’s laugh soon made everyone join in. Even Kuroo laughed after wiping his nose and eyes. 

Bokuto was fulfilled with hearing the happy noises of happy people.  
___________

“HINATA! THAT WAS AWESOME!” Bokuto screamed, bounding down the stands to tackle the boy in a hug. “You’re getting incredibly smart with the direction of your kills!” Bokuto held him tight and ruffled his hair. 

The game ended in a large win by Nekoma. After Kuroo was attacked by the volleyball for being distracted, he cancelled out any noise and feverishly blocked every single kill Karasuno tried to successfully do. 

That obviously did not stop the boy with fire in his hair and heart, Hinata tried with all of his might to be as fast as humanly possible. Hinata got past Kuroo three more times until Kuroo finally analyzed his movements and was able to stop the golden duo, with the help of Lev of course. 

The 6 boys exited the gym, Tsuki and Yams chuckled about something, Kuroo and Kageyama walked in silence and Bokuto crushed Hinata in a bear hug. The sounds of their conversations and laughter filled the warm air of the night. They walked towards Ukai’s convenience store for an after game snack. 

“It was intellectually compelling, exactly how talented and strategic Hinata and Kageyama have become. You guys are going to go far.” Kuroo marveled, out in the open.

“I agree, they will go far, if only professional teams draft players who are under 5’5.” Tsukishima said sarcastically, making Yamaguchi and Kageyama snicker. 

Hinata whirled around and sprinted to Tsuki. As he looked up at the tall blonde boy, Hinata's face contorted in anger. 

“I WILL GROW!” He yelled to his face, his cheeks burned red in embarrassment. Bokuto backed him up.

“EVEN IF HE DOESN’T GROW, THE LITTLE GIANT IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE WHO WAS ABLE TO MAKE IT WITHOUT HAVING HEIGHT!” Bokuto quickly moved up next to Hinata and placed a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. 

Tsukishima looked from Bokuto to Hinata. Both boys were huffing in anger and their faces were exactly the same, covered in red blotches. Tsukishima stared at the boys before softly starting to chuckle. 

“Bokuto you’re as insane as they come but, I didn’t think you’d be this stupid.” Tsukishima placed a hand on Bokuto’s shoulder, walking past him alongside the rest of the group. Hinata and Bokuto were frozen in place.

“I-. Are we going to let him get away with that?” Hinata asked, turning to look at Bokuto. 

“I’ll show you what payback looks like, little man. This only works because I know Tsukishima is joking. Don’t ever take what he says to heart. When he insults you it’s his way of expressing love.” Bokuto pressed his hand into Hinata’s shoulder and turned them around. The group was already a few steps ahead as Bokuto knelt down to Hinata’s ear, “Watch this.”

Before Hinata could process what was happening, Bokuto shot himself forward, sprinting toward the group. He maneuvered his way past Yamaguchi and came tumbling into Tsukishima. The two boys collapsed onto the grass filled patch next to the side walk, laughing as loud as ever. 

Hinata’s eyes widened as he smiled.

“TSUKISHIMA CAN LAUGH?!?” 

The group exploded in hoots and hollers, surrounded by a starlit sky. 

As they continued walking, Bokuto sat and watched the stars. He planted himself on the ground where he tackled Tsuki, telling the others to go ahead, he’d catch up with them. 

It was taking Bokuto longer and longer to catch his breath.

He never mentioned any of this to the rest of the group. He pretended to laugh alongside them the rest of the night when his insides were screaming. He happily put on a smile and no one was able to notice the evident fear through the cracks. 

When he tried to catch his breath, the air wouldn’t come.  
________________

“You know, this world is so complex but, I don’t think there is anything that comes close to the things I see every night.” 

Bokuto marveled at the boy with blue eyes as they sat on a large cliff, feet dangling over the edge. They were overlooking a giant field of flowers that changed color with the wind. Large butterflies and bees flew around them, respectfully keeping their distance as they watched them talk for hours on end. 

“What do you mean Bokuto?” The boy chuckled and stared at Bokuto’s face. Bokuto sighed and watched the flowers change from pastel pink, to purple to blue all in one breeze. 

“Well, with everything that has happened recently, I’m not sure what to truly believe. It doesn’t help that you’ve been quite secretive, but it’s ok. I don’t blame you, I know one day I’ll understand. I’m just trying to take all this one dream at a time.” Bokuto sat back as lonely flower petals fluttered in the wind, creating a small pile next to Bokuto. He held one up in front of his face and watched it change color as he blew on it. He chuckled to himself and then looked at the boy next to him. His big, ocean eyes were already watching him. The boy softly smiled and sighed. 

“You’ll understand soon enough. There are so many rules to my existence. One day, I’ll be able to explain it to you under better circumstances. ” He stated plainly, watching the cotton clouds flow by slowly with the breeze. 

“I want to meet you Bokuto, but, when I do, things will change. I’m not sure if either of us are ready for what’s to come.” The boy closed his eyes and silently listened. He listened to the flowers dancing in the wind, and the soft flap of butterfly wings but most importantly, he listened to Bokuto’s soft breathing. 

Like Kuroo, it reminded him Bokuto was still living. 

He wished he could keep this Bokuto forever, the one who wasn’t worried about death, the one who could soak in the sun for as long he wanted, the one who was able to breathe. 

The one who was free.

Before the boy knew what he was doing he stood on the edge of the cliff, closed his eyes, and let out the loudest, longest scream he had ever made. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened from the ground. He watched the boy as he screamed. 

The boy, Bokuto never truly knew, who didn’t seem to have a name to call his own, was screaming at the only world he had. 

Clear tears fell from Bokuto’s face and dripped onto the petal he was holding. The petal suddenly turned bright yellow. He looked down and smiled warmly. 

He stood up and joined the screaming boy. He grabbed his hand and suddenly they were in beautiful heartbreaking harmony. 

They screamed, and all Bokuto could think about was that day, months ago, when him and Kuroo screamed at the night sky. They were screaming for Kenma then but, now, Bokuto was screaming for himself. 

The boys stopped and their echoes hung in the air. They held their heads toward the sun. Bokuto took a deep breath, a beautiful, easy breath, and took the boy’s hand, pressing the little yellow petal into it. Bokuto turned toward him, facing his back toward the edge of the cliff. He held his arms out like a bird’s wings. 

“Follow me.” He whispered, with a smirk on his lips and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

The boy’s blue eyes opened as Bokuto slowly leaned back, falling downwards. The boy jumped after him, catching his shoulders and holding them tightly. 

“I’ll always follow you, I promise. For as long as I’m alive, I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.” The boy whispered in his ear

His brown hair was flowing behind him as they sped down the cliff. Right before they were about to hit the ground, it opened up, and they kept falling.

This was the second time in their life they were falling together. 

But it was the first time in his life that the boy was falling for someone. 

Someone as angelic as Koutarou.

They were flying. Flying through the clouds, through the city until finally, they were floating in space. They separated and the starlight illuminated their faces. They looked at each other and stars swirled around them, leading them to the crescent moon. They sat, feet dangling, staring at the little world Bokuto imagined. 

“It’s so beautiful.” Bokuto gasped as his eyes wandered through his imagination, staring slack jawed at his mind. 

“It is, isn’t it?”

The boy’s eyes were fixed on Bokuto, never leaving his beautiful face.  
__________

That morning Bokuto woke up to the soft taps of rain on his window. He smiled, watching the water drip down from the sky. 

Bokuto always loved the rain. There wasn’t any specific reason, it was just something beautiful the world did and he loved beautiful things. 

He sat at the edge of the bed, silently listening to the melody of rain. He was reminded of his dream, him soaking in the sun, breathing deeply.

Bokuto took a breath.

He felt a twinge of pain in his heart. He coughed and quickly recovered so as to not make noise to worry his parents. 

He sighed. He was awake, sadly, pain was real. 

He got up and got dressed to the percussion of the rain. 

He checked his phone and sent a quick text to Kuroo. Today was Saturday which meant they had brunch to get to.

As he was walking out his room something in his backyard caught his eye. 

In front of the tree by his fence, was a single yellow flower, dancing in the rain. 

“You’ve done it again.” He chuckled to himself before leaping out the door, forgetting his umbrella on purpose. 

“BOKUTO!” Kuroo yelled from the driver's seat as he jumped into the passenger seat, “BRO, NO UMBRELLA? You aren’t invincible, I don’t want you catching a cold!” Kuroo stated. Bokuto looked at Kuroo like he was insane. 

“Dude, it’s freaking May, I’M NOT CATCHING A COLD IN THE SPRING.” Bokuto yelled back, as three familiar voices burst out laughing in the backseat. 

“You guys, hey!” Bokuto turned, waving to Tsukishima, Hinata and Yamaguchi in the back. 

“I thought I’d invite them. You looked like you could use some more company rather than boring, old, extremely handsome, Kuroo.” Kuroo dramatically said, clutching his heart in Shakespearean fashion. 

“You’re an idiot Kuroo,” Bokuto said in a monotone voice. “One of the stupidest smart people I know.” 

“Hey, hey, cut him some slack! At least he remembers to brush his hair everyday- oh, wait.” Tsuishima mocked, as the two boys next to him covered their mouths in muffled laughter. 

Bokuto threw his head back as he laughed louder than the rest of them. It was moments like these where he loved the present. 

When you’re experiencing a moment that is so great, it quickly becomes a memory. Our memory will always fail us, which is why Bokuto wished his eyes could record every little detail of his friends’ faces in every little moment he had with them. 

“OK! Enough teasing, I want some food. LETS GO!” Hinata yelled, as the rest of the car hollered in agreement. 

____________

As the five boys exited the restaurant, stomachs filled and mouths smiling, they realized the rain had stopped. 

“Noooo, I love the rain.” Bokuto pouted, staring at the dull sky.

Hinata patted Bokuto on the back, “It’s ok Bokuto, think of it this way, each second where it isn’t raining, is a second closer to the next time it does.” Hinata giggled and skipped along, jumping in puddles. 

The rest of the boys stopped in their tracks, staring at the little kid filled with energy.

“When the hell did Hinata become so wise?” Kuroo, whispered. They all turned to stare at each other and then back at the little flame. 

Hinata turned to stare at them, “What’s the issue? Let’s go!” They all slowly walked towards the car, nodding in agreement. 

Everything was going fine, until Bokuto’s heart leaped into his throat. 

He hit the ground hard, falling to his knees and then to his side. 

He choked and coughed as the boys ran to his side.

Bokuto’s mind was hazy as it does during every blackout.

“SHIT! Bokuto it’s ok, breathe, breathe! We’re all here.” Kuroo ran to his side, placing Bokuto’s head in his lap, at an angle so he could easily reach the air.

The three younger boys watched as Kuroo held his head up and let Bokuto ride his blackout on his own. 

After a couple seconds of struggling, Bokuto gasped and took a deep breath, coming back to them. 

Kuroo’s eyes widened and they filled with tears. He smiled as he hugged a confused Bokuto. 

“K-Kuroo, was this blackout as short as it was or is my mind playing tricks on me?” Bokuto asked nervously as Kuroo helped him up to his feet. 

Kuroo looked at Bokuto with such pride.

“It only lasted a couple seconds. I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I'm going to celebrate for the little accomplishments just as much as the big ones.” Kurro squeezed Bokuto’s shoulder as the rest of the boys sighed in relief. 

“Maybe you’ll be able to join us for training camp in a few weeks! I wanna see you play again, so you can teach me your cool tricks!” Hinata said, running to Bokuto and pulling at his sleeve. 

Bokuto’s eyes lit up at the mention of volleyball. 

“I’ll be there, I promise.” 

_____________________

That night, before Bokuto went to bed, he lazily opened his eyes one last time. 

He looked at his open curtain, past the trees and past the houses to the sky overhead.

The stars had never shone so brightly.

He smiled, closing his eyes, hoping his new life was about to begin.


	6. At Long Last

The air was warm on the day Bokuto’s world stopped.

After his quick recovery from the blackout two days ago, Bokuto went back to practicing volleyball. He wanted to be prepared for when he attended the training camp in two weeks. 

Yup, Kuroo got him a slot, he’s the best. 

It was 3 P.M on Monday when Bokuto finally took a break from volleyball. He had been practicing keeping the ball up in the air against the wall outside his house for two hours, trying to replenish his endurance. He decided not to push himself very hard today because he was going to be spending all night in the gym. He managed to get the ok to stop in at Karasuno’s practice tonight. Luckily, Hinata convinced Coach it was a good idea.

Hinata was definitely something special. 

Even though they were complete opposites, Hinata reminded Bokuto of Kenma. 

So, so much. 

Bokuto walked into his house, heading toward his room. He placed his phone on his desk and started to undress. He jumped in the shower to freshen up before he went to practice tonight. He was planning to take a walk down to the town as well. He let the warm water wash away all his anxieties of playing volleyball again. 

He stepped out of the shower and dried off, heading to his bed. He had a couple more hours before practice so he decided to take a quick nap before his walk. He plopped down on his bed, covering himself with the sheets and slowly drifted off, with the thought of volleyball on his mind.

It was the sport he loved but he ran away from it. There was a good reason he had to leave, but he wasn’t a quitter. 

Soon everyone would see the owl soar back into the court and play again.   
___________

“I never told you but, I actually started playing volleyball because of you!” The boy with the blue eyes ran next to Bokuto as they jogged along the beach. Bokuto laughed and stared at him. 

“Really? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You could’ve helped me practice!” Bokuto sighed, pushing the boy jokingly. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to surprise you.” The boy said, grabbing Bokuto’s wrist as he came to a stop. They stared out to the beautiful ocean. 

Bokuto’s toes curled in the hot sand before they were covered by a steady stream of water as a wave hit the sand in front of them. Cool water splashed up and sprinkled their faces. They chuckled and beamed in the warm heat of the sun.

Bokuto turned to watch the boy’s eyes. The blue of the ocean matched his eyes perfectly, dark and mysterious yet, full of so much life. 

“Well, what position do you play?” Bokuto asked, inching closer to the boy. 

“Setter.” He said, finally meeting Bokuto’s eyes, as he faded away. 

Bokuto awoke with tears falling down his face. 

“Just like Kenma.”   
__________

Bokuto walked calmly down to the center to grab a seat in the library and bury his face in a book until practice. No one knew this about Bokuto, but he was an incredibly avid reader. He hummed to himself as he walked past the train tracks. 

He enjoyed taking walks, smelling the scent of the earth and watching strangers pass by. Experiencing their lives even for a moment. He enjoyed smiling at everyone he saw, to see how their face looked when they smiled back.

In broad daylight, he saw stars.

One day, when he was not around anymore, a piece of him would live on in all the smiles he created. 

He loved everything that there was to life but, the boy he saw in his dreams, the boy with no name, wasn’t a part of it. When he smiled at Bokuto, Bokuto realized how much he loved smiles. He wasn’t just glimpsing stars, Bokuto realized, the boy was made of them.

He approached the library, hopping the steps to reach the entrance. Before he reached the door someone was walking out and held the door for him. 

“Thank you so mu-” Bokuto started but he never finished his sentence when his eyes met the person’s eyes.

The quiet brown-haired boy’s eyes. 

“I-.” Bokuto was absolutely speechless. His body completely frozen in time, his eyes wide and his mouth open. His heart started to beat as fast as humanly possible. It brought him relief that although he looked completely dumbfounded, the boy in front of him looked equally as shocked. 

The boy was the first to move, as his lips curled into the small smile Bokuto knew all too well. 

He smiled, that soft smile, and Bokuto saw the stars as always. 

Suddenly, his expression changed from mesmerized to worried. He took one last look at Bokuto and walked away, like nothing had happened, like he didn’t just start existing outside of Bokuto’s dreams. 

Bokuto was still in a state of shock before quickly shaking his head and running after him. 

“Hey, do I know you? You seem familiar?” Bokuto said from behind the boy, desperation evident in his tone. Who was he kidding, of course he seemed familiar, it was him! 

Why was he running away?

To Bokuto’s surprise, he kept walking, completely ignoring his question. Bokuto grunted and sprinted in front of the boy, blocking his path. He looked at Bokuto and tried to divert his attention to get past him but, Bokuto’s eyes never left his. This was the moment he dreamt of, he needed to make sure it was real. 

“You, I’ve seen you, actually, I see you every night. Why?” Bokuto questioned, staring at the boy, and silently pinching himself to make sure he was awake. 

“I shouldn’t be talking to you, Bokuto.” The boy spoke in a low, quiet voice. Bokuto's eyes widened. 

He said his name. 

He’s real. 

With the sudden mention of his name, Bokuto threw himself at the boy and hugged him. A deep hug filled with longing and memories and thoughts from a time where time didn’t exist. 

And to Bokuto’s happiness, the boy hugged him back.

Just as eagerly. 

“Please tell me what’s happening.” Bokuto pulled himself off of the boy and looked deep into the blue eyes he saw every single night. The boy’s eyes looked Bokuto up and down and he frowned slightly.

“It’s a little too soon for me to reveal myself to you but, I can’t really stop you now,” He extended his hand towards Bokuto, creating more space between them. 

“I’m Akaashi, Keiji Akaashi.” Bokuto smiled and took his hand. 

“I’m Kout-” 

“Koutaro Bokuto, Of course I know you. I see you every night too.” Akaashi cut him off and shook his hand with a comforting squeeze. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened when he remembered the day he told Kuroo why he thought it was him, 

“If you’re meeting with this person every night, don’t you think they’d dream of you?” 

Bokuto was stunned to silence, which was a rarity in his case. 

The brown haired boy gave a small smile and turned around, walking away in the opposite direction leaving Bokuto to his thoughts. 

“H-Hey, WAIT UP!” Bokuto called, sprinting after him with a sense of determination. Before he could get to Akaashi, he bumped into something hard and tall, well, two things. 

“Yo! What’s up!” Daichi said as he blocked Bokuto’s view. “Suga and I were in the area and were wondering if we were going to see anyone from the team and it looks like we ran straight into the captain, how funny.” Daichi patted Bokuto on the back who was oblivious to the words they were saying as he watched Akaashi cross the street away from him. A car passed and obstructed his view, and the boy was gone.

“Hey, I’ll be right back, stay here, I’m sorry I forgot something over there, next to the coffee shop!” Bokuto yelled, running off and crossing the street. He turned the corner, “You never even said goodb-.” His words were cut off as he realized where he was 

A dead end. 

Bokuto looked around and started searching for any other path or secret tunnel this boy could have used. There was nowhere else Akaashi could’ve run too from his direction. 

“Shit.” Bokuto murmured. 

“Guess I’ll have to ask you tonight, Keiji Akaashi.” 

______________

“BOKUTO!” Hinata bounded toward the gym’s entrance as Bokuto walked in.“I’M HAPPY YOU CAME!” 

The team turned to watch Bokuto smile at them and wave. 

“Thank you so much for having me!” Bokuto said to the guys. They huddled around him, patting him on the back.

“You don’t have to thank us, you’re always welcome here.” Daichi said, placing his hand on Bokuto’s shoulder and squeezing. 

“Hey, speak for yourself, I don’t want this lughead ruining my practices.” Tsukishima said as he walked away and snickered. 

“Oh, Tsukidude, do we need to tell the team how I tackled you the other day huh?” Hinata, Yamaguchi and Kageyama clutched their stomachs as they recounted the moment when Tsukishima was tackled to the ground by Bokuto. Everyone laughed in beautiful harmony as Tsukishima threw a volleyball at Bokuto, hitting him in the head. 

Everything seemed so normal but, Bokuto was breaking on the inside. His mind was empty save for the moment he felt whole. When he opened his eyes, all he saw was the boy he finally met today. All he wanted to do was fall asleep and see him again. 

He shook his head and gave Tsukishima a devilish smirk, “I’LL GET YOU FOR THAT ONE!” Bokuto started to run toward him but he stopped in his tracks. Bokuto wanted to run and chase after Tsuki but his body stopped him, it was too afraid. He took a deep breath as the fear crawled up his spine, sending goosebumps all over his body. 

“Hey,” Hinata said, pulling Bokuto down to eye level as the team walked away, “You’ll be ok, I’ve got your back. Remember one second not raining is one second closer to the next time it does.” Hinata hugged Bokuto and his final sentence sparked fresh tears to sting his eyes.

“One second huddled in fear is one second closer to the next time you won’t be afraid.” 

Bokuto hugged Hinata tightly and looked down at the small boy.

For just a moment, he swore he saw Kenma in those eyes.   
___________

“BOKUTO IT’S ALL YOU!” Suga exclaimed.

Practice was going better than Bokuto expected. He was on his game, he was strong and he was determined. 

They were playing a friendly scrimmage, among themselves and Bokuto was the point leader.

Suga calmly changed the direction of where the ball was evidently going, to land in a perfect place; right in front of Bokuto. 

“ON IT!” Bokuto flew into the air, his yellow eyes found the perfect open space, the left corner. Just as he was about to hit, Kageyama and Tsukishima jumped, ruining Bokuto’s plan. Bokuto only smirked and with a victorious yell, hit the ball at an agonizingly sharp angle. 

The gym was silent save for the thump of the volleyball hitting the opponent's side. 

“ALRIGHT!” Bokuto screamed, throwing his fists in front of him, punching the air. 

The shrill sound of the whistle echoed through the gym, signifying the end of the scrimmage. 

Bokuto stared at the score. 

25-14

He dominated. 

“BOKUTOOO!” Hinata came screaming toward him and jumped on his back, Nishinoya jumped after him. The two whooped and hollered, congratulating Bokuto’s incredible game. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you two!” Bokuto said, pulling them to the front and squishing them in a giant hug. Their laughter filled the gym as Bokuto looked at the two short angels and saw stars in their smiles.

He beamed, happily knowing he was a reason their smiles were filled with stardust.

Once the scrimmage was over, Bokuto was free to leave as Ukai kept the rest of the team to finish some more volleyball drills. Bokuto gathered his things, bowed to the team and waved goodbye. He smiled, closing the door behind him. As soon as he was out of sight, he quickly put his hands on his knees, coughing and gasping. 

“S-shit.” Bokuto murmured through coughs. After a few more seconds he was able to stand up straight and breathe. He slowly placed his hand over his heart, looking up at the sky. 

“Please, let me be ok for camp. I won’t ask for anything else just, keep me alive a little longer.” He begged the stars as they twinkled in reply. He cleared his throat and wiped his hands over his sweat stained forehead. 

“Please.” He stepped away from the gym, walking back to his house.

Bokuto took the long route home. He had his license but, he wanted to spend as much time in the open, freely experiencing the world rather than watching it blur through the windows of a car. He walked in silence, watching the cars go by. He listened to the soft sounds of children laughing. He giggled to himself remembering when he, Kuroo and Kenma would stay up all hours of the night, laughing and teasing each other. Happy memories clouded his vision as he remembered Kenma.

***********

“B-Bokuto! Bokuto!” A small voice pulled Bokuto from his dreams as he sat up in the bed. Kuroo was fast asleep on his right as Kenma was sitting straight up, tears in his eyes, on his left, looking at the boy.

“This is so childish but, I had a nightmare.” Kenma said, wiping his tears. 

Bokuto elbowed Kuroo who woke with a grunt, sitting up lazily. Once he noticed Kenma though, his grogginess disappeared. 

“Kenma hey, it’s ok! Do you want to talk about it?” Bokuto asked, ruffling Kenma’s hair as Kuroo tried to flatten his own. 

Kuroo suddenly jumped up, sprinting to the other side of the bed and striking a hero pose in front of Kenma. 

“Have no fear, KUROO IS HERE!” He yelled before Kenma slapped his stomach, whispering for him to be quiet as it was the middle of the night. The boys erupted in muffled giggles as Kuroo tackled Kenma, falling on top of Bokuto. 

As their laughter subsided, the three boys were wide awake, so they went outside, and sat on Kenma’s swing set. 

“My nightmare,” Kenma said, breaking the silence, “Was about you guys, actually.” The two boys looked at Kenma in confusion as he started playing with a stray piece of hair in front of his face. 

“It’s stupid but, you both l-left me.” Kenma stuttered. His voice cracked and fresh tears slid down his fragile face. Kuroo and Bokuto’s eyes widened as they got off their swings and kneeled beside Kenma. Bokuto squeezed Kenma’s hands as Kuroo wiped the tears away. 

“Oh, Kenma…” Kuroo sighed, closing his eyes. 

“We aren’t going anywhere, I promise you that. As long as there are stars in the sky, we’ll be with you, right by your side.” Bokuto whispered as the boys looked up to the twinkling lights.

Kenma started crying silently, watching the stars blink above them. 

The boys didn’t know it at the time but Kenma did, which made his tears flow harder. The burden of the secret he kept. 

Bokuto and Kuroo weren’t the ones who were going to be leaving.

***************

Bokuto entered his house and threw his bag down, shuffling into the kitchen. There was a note on the fridge, it read, 

“Hey sweetie, your mom and I have to work late tonight. If you can’t get a hold of Kuroo for dinner, there is a microwave meal in the fridge. We’ll be home by the time you’re asleep. If you need anything, call us. 

We love you!

XOXO,

Mom and dad”

Bokuto sighed as he pulled his phone out, dialing Kuroo.   
__________

“Hey Bokubro! How was practice today?” Kuroo asked, kicking his shoes off and walking into Bokuto’s house with a bag from their favorite fast food restaurant.

“Dude, it was INSANE! I did this INCREDIBLE cut kill and got passed Tsuki and Kageyama!” Bokuto spun around and punched his hands in the air again, proud at his accomplishment. 

“HA! I knew you’d be alright. It’s a good thing you’re doing better because camp is going to be so much more fun with you there!” Kuroo chuckled, slapping Bokuto on the back like he was a volleyball. Bokuto slowly turned and smacked Kuroo hard in the gut. The two of them fell on the floor and laughed until Bokuto’s stomach growled. They met eyes and laughed again, getting up and digging into their food. 

“You know Bokuto, something weird happened today while I was at practice.” Kuroo said, his mouth full with fries. Bokuto’s ears perked up and he watched Kuroo swallow.

“Really? What happened?” Bokuto questioned, taking another bite of his burger.

“This boy actually caught me while I was leaving, I had never seen him before but he told me he played volleyball and was looking for a place to practice. So, I stayed a little late and practiced with him. He’s pretty good.” Kuroo said, remembering as he spoke. 

“Oh, that’s cool, where’s he from?” Bokuto asked, continuing the meal. 

“That’s what was weird about it, he was very vague. He said things like, “here and there,” and “Oh, just down the street”. It was kind of suspect.” Kuroo furrowed his brows and sighed, taking a swig of his soda. 

“Coach didn’t seem to care though, because he offered him a spot at the training camp. He would be bunking with us as Lev was going back to Russia for vacation. You should have seen his face, he was so excited.” Kuroo chuckled to himself.

“Hey, that’s really awesome! You’re getting your team name out there and who knows how many doors this new person could open for you. He might be weird but he's also good like you said.” Bokuto added, scarfing down his food. Kuroo nodded.

“Sucks that he was kind of a creep, he’s an extremely talented setter.” Kuroo said. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened. 

“What did you say?” He whispered, staring at Kuroo with an intense gaze. Kuroo looked confused, taking a fry and popping it in his mouth. 

“I said he’s an extremely talented setter.” Bokuto nodded and swallowed, silently thinking of one name.

Keiji Akaashi.


	7. An Old Friend

Keiji Akaashi

“It had to be him.” Bokuto spoke aloud, as he settled into his bed. His mind was racing and his heart was pounding with such excitement and confidence.

There was no doubt in his mind that Akaashi met Kuroo earlier that day.

Kuroo left a little bit ago, taking the leftovers with him. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow ok? You can come by and practice, maybe the guy will come around? We didn’t have time to introduce ourselves as the coach came and snatched him from me but, maybe we’ll find him!” Kuroo said as he walked toward the door. 

“Yeah, I’ll see ya.” Bokuto mumbled, waving to Kuroo. 

As soon as Kuroo shot one last smile and closed the door, Bokuto fell on his knees. He laughed out loud and sighed in disbelief. 

“What are you up to Akaashi?”  
___________

“Ok, no more secrets, who are you?” Bokuto questioned while driving in a dark blue convertible that was riding through the clouds. 

Akaashi chuckled and turned to Bokuto before staring at the road ahead. 

“I really want to explain everything right now, seriously I do, but I can’t. It’s against the rules.” Akaashi shook his head and gripped the steering wheel. Bokuto noticed this and tilted his head, watching Akaashi’s sharp features. 

He was lost in thought momentarily, staring at the beautiful structure of Akaashi’s face.

“What rules?” Bokuto asked, laying his head on the leather seat behind him and watching the stars follow his eyes. 

“I’m really not allowed to tell you anything about myself while in the field, that’s what we call dreams. It’s a contract type thing. I’ll explain everything later on though….for now…” Akaashi gulped before continuing. “I would appreciate it if we don’t talk about what I am and why I am here. I know it’s stupid but, I promise, I’ll tell you one day. So let’s just try to be normal kids for as long as we can. Ok?” Akaashi sighed, looking at Bokuto with puppy dog eyes. Bokuto smiled and laughed.

“Ok, starboy, I’ll play along.” He playfully pushed Akaashi’s shoulders as they drove on, watching stars dance in the beautiful navy sky. 

“You have to promise to help me out with volleyball! I know you got a ticket to training camp through Kuroo, so no need to hide it.” Bokuto stared at Akaashi with his eyebrows raised. 

Akaashi turned to him and smirked, muffling a laugh. 

“Oh come on, now that you know me, I’m not going to let you live your life without me by your side. Just wait until the day you’re sick of me.” Akaashi chuckled and held his hand out, taking Bokuto’s. He squeezed it and gave Bokuto a loving stare.

“You are magnificent Koutarou.” Bokuto blinked and stared at Akaashi in disbelief.. Bokuto scoffed and pulled Akaashi’s hand, dragging his body to him. Akaashi was inches from his face.

“You’re made of stars Keiji Akaashi.” Bokuto whispered, staring into the ocean eyes of the boy he saw every night, yet knew nothing about. “When I look at the sky I can’t help but think of you and imagine what you’re doing.” Bokuto shook his head and continued, chuckling. 

“You’re so bright. Thank you, for being with me. Thank you for just, everything that you are.” Boktuo leaned his head on Akaashi’s shoulder as Akaashi looked down at the boy. He took a few deep breaths before letting small tears trickle down his face. 

“If only I could tell him.” Akaashi thought, silently burying the secret he was forbidden to tell. 

“I should be the one thanking you, Koutarou.” Akaashi whispered, trying to stop his tears. 

“Why would you be thanking me?” Bokuto questioned, listening to the study beating of Akaashi’s heart. 

“I think I’ll let an old friend do the talking.” Akaashi said, as the stars above them began to fade. Bokuto reached out and touched Akaashi’s jawline, staring into those wonderful eyes one last time.

Then, Bokuto blinked and he was once again, alone in his bedroom. No stars, no convertible and no Akaashi. 

He sighed and stood, stretching his back and arms before going to his desk to check his phone. Before he was able to reach his phone, his heart leapt to his throat. 

On his desk, next to his endless piles of assignments was something he never thought he’d see again. 

Memories from his childhood resurfaced as tears stung his eyes.

Hospital rooms, surgery, the lonely boy with ocean eyes.

“Oh, Akaashi…” Bokuto sobbed, dropping to his knees. 

Sitting there, in broad daylight, was an adorable stuffed bear that, years ago, was named Henry. In his lap was a small card that read:

“Thank you, from an old friend.” 

Bokuto picked up the small bear, holding it tightly.

His mind was filled with the boy who comforted him in the waiting room. 

The small boy with the lonely eyes. 

His salty tears stained his face as he remembered. 

Every dream, every night, every moment...

After all this time, he was right.

__________

The rest of the week flew by and with the hot air, meant the 2 weeks at training camp was around the corner. 

Kuroo and Bokuto had not seen the mysterious setter since the day he introduced himself to Kuroo. They really didn’t have much to go off of, considering he didn’t leave any contact information, except the promise he’d be at training camp. 

Bokuto quickly packed the rest of his things. The training camp was about an hour from his house but he wasn’t nervous. He knew that nothing was going to happen and, if it did, he had Kuroo and the rest of the guys to back him up. 

Not to mention, Akaashi promised to be there.

He finally packed the last of what he needed in his bag and zipped it up, letting out a sigh. 

“ALL DONE!” He yelled from his bedroom. His parents and Kuroo were waiting in the living room to head off. Bokuto grabbed his backpack and gym bag and walked out of his bedroom smiling ear to ear. 

“Alright, slowpoke, let’s get this show on the road!” Bokuto’s mom said, grabbing his gym bag and walking behind Kuroo as they went to the car. Kuroo and Bokuto decided it was best to carpool in case an emergency occurred.  
As he walked to the car, he shivered. He couldn't contain his excitement. 

After 3 long months, he was finally back!

He’d get to see everyone from the area including Nekom and Karasuno. The Karasuno team flickered through his mind. Hinata, Nishinoya, Tanaka, all of them. They helped him come as far as he did. He was able to regain his confidence because they pushed him to do his best. 

At last, it was time to depart. 

“Mom, dad, I’ll be careful I promise. I love you both. If anything happens, I’ll call. It’s only two weeks though, don't miss me too much.” Bokuto chuckled and gave his mom a hug, kissing her on the forehead. Moving to his dad, he hugged him tightly, listening to his heartbeat. 

“We know you’ll do great son. Have fun! We love you!” His mom and dad called as Bokuto got into the passenger seat. He rolled his window down and stuck his head out like a dog as they pulled out. He screamed, “SEE YOU IN 14 DAYS HAH!” Waving like a maniac he laughed in the wind. 

Feeling as free as an owl at dusk. 

After an hour of chatting about team drama, the schedule and the fun party on the last day, they finally pulled into the campground. Long luscious fields of grass surrounded two gyms, a bunch of cabins and a large lake that stretched as far as Bokuto could see. The sun was beginning to set over it as Bokuto and Kuroo brought their bags to the cabin with their team's names on it. Fukurodani and Nekoma were across the way from each other. The two of them entered the cabins but turned back to wink at each other and laugh.

“See you at the gym in five, I bet everyone is already there!” Kuroo called out before closing the door behind him. 

Bokuto chuckled and entered the cabin, expecting noise from his rambunctious teammates, but it was empty. Beds lined up next to each other like sardines, were all exceptionally neat and well made, Bokuto chuckled at this. He knew in about one day the room would be complete trash. “They must already be there,” Bokuto thought out loud. He placed his stuff down on one of the beds and went to change into his gym wear. 

After he got dressed in his captains jersey and shorts, he looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. The dull twinge of pain in his heart was still evident but, he ignored it, stretching his arms across his body. “You got this.” He whispered, “You got this.” 

It didn’t help much that his hands were trembling as he walked toward the gym. 

The sounds of laughter and voices echoed out of the gym, filling Bokuto with a sense of comfort. He smiled to himself before reaching for the handle. 

He opened the gym door and the scent of sweat and leather hit him hard. 

He walked into the gym and for the second time that week his heart stopped.

“Akaashi.” Bokuto said breathlessly at the sight of his brown hair and quiet eyes. He sat under the net making conversation with Daichi but never looked up to Bokuto yet. Bokuto tentatively stepped into the gym only to get tackled by Kuroo and Hinata from the side. 

“HEY BIG GUY! It’s about time you showed up! Hinata here was getting restless.” The black haired boy shouted in Bokuto’s ear. 

“Yeah, what he said! Teach me your tricks!” Hinata screamed bounding off to grab a volleyball, but the deep blue eyes Bokuto saw in his dreams every night was all he could focus on. 

Bokuto walked towards Akaashi as him and Daichi separated.

“You,” Bokuto whispered. 

“Me.” He replied with a small smile. 

And for the first time in his life, Bokuto felt a person become home.


	8. Close Call

They stared at each other for what felt like centuries. 

Looking into the eyes that always felt real, Bokuto wanted to stop time and hug him. His hands twitched at his side at the prospect of feeling his touch again. There was only one problem with that plan, no one knew this guy. It would look very strange if he just ran and tackled someone who was seemingly a stranger. So he restrained himself, holding his hand out. 

“I’m Koutarou Bokuto, I’m a wing spiker! How about you?” Bokuto asked, winking to signal Akaashi to answer.

“I-I’m Keiji Akaashi, I’m a setter. It’s nice to meet you.” The shy Akaashi Bokuto knew all too well, reappeared in front of him. They shook hands and Bokuto felt sparks fly. 

Although his voice was quiet, it cut straight through the noise, right to Bokuto. 

“Took you long enough to get here, I missed you.” He squeezed Bokuto’s hand and gave him a small smile. He then nodded and walked off to introduce himself to the others. 

Bokuto watched him walk away, still thinking all of this was a dream, he pinched himself. He pinched himself until he bled because he needed to be sure. He needed to be sure it wouldn’t fade away. He looked down, taking his eyes off Akaashi at the small cut in his wrist. He looked back up to Akaashi, who was now speaking to Kageyama. Bokuto watched from afar, the boy without a name was now here, in front of him. His wrist brought him back to reality. Bokuto remembered seeing a first aid kit in the cabin so he decided to run back. 

“Kuroo! Hey, tell Coach not to start yet! I got a cut, I’m going to go get a bandaid, be right back!” Kuroo nodded and gave him a thumbs up as he jogged back outside. 

As Bokuto jogged, the campground brought fond thoughts to light as he remembered the memories from years before….

Volleyball had been a part of Bokuto’s life for as long as he could remember. When he was a kid, he would watch the upperclassmen soar in the sky, slamming the ball down and scoring. He wanted to do exactly that when he grew up. 

It was extremely difficult to play a team sport on his own though and Bokuto soon found an inherent frustration with volleyball. 

Not a single person wanted to play with him. 

The upperclassmen sneered at his request and pushed him down, telling him he couldn’t fly. 

He would never fly, he was just a small kid with a stupid dream.

The heartbreaking part was, Bokuto started to believe it.

Then one day, he met two people who changed his life, and his view on the sport. 

**********

“Hey, could I set for you?”

The small boy asked Boktuo, stuttering his words. It had been two days since Bokuto met the crazy black haired boy and the quiet one named Kenma. Bokuto looked back right before throwing the ball up and slapping it over the baby net. 

“You play?” Bokuto asked, running to get the ball and tossing it to the boy, smiling brightly. 

“Uhm...yeah a little haha.” He laughed and started to lightly bounce the ball on his fingertips, keeping it up. 

Bokuto watched in awe as the boy continued to do this, while walking forward toward the net. 

This boy, who was so methodical, reserved and quiet, had an aura of white around him. 

The essence of light. 

“Whatcha staring at?” The boy turned back, confusion in his gaze.

“N-nothing, you’re really good!” Bokuto said standing next to him in front of the net. 

The boy chuckled and a crimson coated his cheeks.

“Ha, thank you Bokuto. Now, here’s how I usually set…” Kenma started to tell Bokuto everything there was to his practice. 

Among the warm breeze of summer, Bokuto smiled, creating memories with his new friend Kenma. 

Maybe camp wasn’t so bad after all. 

**********

Bokuto reached the cabin and quickly pulled the door, walking inside. 

He felt weird, knowing Akaashi was here and he wasn’t with him. 

Before, he loved sleeping but now, he wanted to stay awake as long as possible. He couldn’t even think of sleeping, knowing they were under the same sky. 

He quickly bandaged his small cut and started jogging toward the door. Before he could leave, someone was blocking his path. 

It was Tsukishima. 

“H-hey Bokuto.” The blonde boy said, looking down as if something was bothering him. 

“Hey Tsuki! What’s up?” Bokuto asked, ushering him inside so they could talk. He looked like he needed to take a seat anyway, Bokuto noticed as Tsuki swayed from side to side. 

Tsukishima nodded and went inside, sitting on the first bed in sight. He sighed and put his head in his hands. Bokuto sat next to him, placing a hand on his head, ruffling his hair. 

“Tsukishima….is everything alright?”

“I-I’M WORRIED ABOUT YOU!” Tsukishima exploded. Behind his glasses, his usual daggers were filled with tears. “I-It DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT! I’M SO AFRAID WATCHING YOU PLAY! IT DOESN’T FEEL HEALTHY.” Tsukishima yelled, flinching away from Bokuto’s touch. 

Bokuto sighed, remembering the day at brunch where he blacked out in front of everyone. He wasn’t sure what the issue was but, Tsukishima probably hadn’t seen anyone he loved get hurt as Bokuto did. 

“Tsukishima,” Bokuto turned the boy to him, holding his shoulders and staring into his eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, and that’s final. I want to play, just let me play, as long as I can.” Bokuto started to get choked up as he stared back into the warm eyes of Tsukishima.  
Bokuto hadn’t seen Tsukishima break down like this, not since Kenma. 

Bokuto finally realized why he was so scared. 

“I’m not going to be like Kenma.” Bokuto said, clutching Tsukishima’s hands. Tsukishima looked up with wide eyes. 

“Please,” Tsuki’s voice caught in his throat, “You’re too good to die young.” 

“And you are too young to be thinking about death. Listen to me, I’m living and that’s that, like it or not, you can’t get rid of me. Whether it’s here or, in the stars, I’m alive.” Bokuto wiped the tears off Tsukishima’s face with his thumbs and sighed. 

“Let’s go, you’ve got some blocks to miss.” Bokuto said, teasing Tsukishima as he stood. 

“Yeah ok, we’ll see about that.” Tsukishima sniffled and pushed Bokuto, laughing. 

“RACE YA!” Bokuto yelled, pushing Tsuki back before bouncing out the door, laughing. 

Running through the warm wind of the night, Bokuto felt alive, truly alive, even if it was just for a moment. 

He reached the gym first, out of breath as Tsukishima passed him and threw himself at the door. He toppled in and raised his fist in victory. 

“I w-won!” He panted, “I got in t-the gym f-first.” He laughed as everyone looked at the two of them. They must have looked crazy, racing into the gym, sweating buckets and tumbling on the floor. As everyone started to laugh, the blow of a whistle signaled the start of training camp! 

Bokuto caught his breath as fast as he could and helped Tsukishima up, patting him on the back as they walked toward Coach Ukai. 

Bokuto sighed in happiness as his eyes caught Akaashi’s. He was already looking at Bokuto with an amused grin. Bokuto shot him a smirk and winked. 

Among the others, he belonged. Staring at all the faces he was so lucky to have known, he felt just as he did the first day he started loving volleyball. 

The day he realized stars weren’t always in the sky, sometimes, they were in people too.

_________

Because it was already so late, Ukai gave the teams the night off, to have some free time. Everyone cheered at the prospect of cutting practice

“Hey!” Kuroo smacked Bokuto’s back, “What do you wanna do? Wanna take a dip in the lake? Or we could go to the dining hall and see if there's any food worthy of snacking on!” Kuroo laughed, brainstorming what to do. 

Before Bokuto could answer, Hinata crashed into his back. 

“FOOD! LET'S FIND FOOD!” The orange haired boy screamed. 

“I’m in, if you guys are cool with it.” Yamaguchi said, dragging Tsukishima behind him. 

Bokuto smiled, nodding in agreement, but his eyes were elsewhere. He scoured the emptying gym for a certain pair of blue eyes. 

“D-do we want to invite the new guy? We could get to know him!” Bokuto said, trying not to sound like he was pleading. 

“OH! Great idea! We should get him familiar with one the best wing spikers in THE WORLD!” Hinata screamed, holding on to Bokuto’s sleeve. Bokuto ruffled Hinata’s hair and laughed in unison with the boy. 

“I’ll go get him, he must have already gone back to the cabin, I’ll meet you at the dining hall!” Kuroo said, jogging off, out the doors. 

Soon, the four of them, Tsuki, Yams, Hinata and Bokuto, walked along the small path between the cabins. The air was warm, void of all humidity, which was a godsend for Bokuto. He breathed deeply in the night air as Hinata and Tsukishima argued about something and Yamaguchi stood back giggling. He sighed and let out a small laugh. This moment was one of the precious ones where Bokuto saw stars. 

He always saw stars but, when he adored people as much as he adored them, they were much brighter. 

They finally reached the dining hall and to their delight, the door was wide open. “LOOK! FOOD!” Hinata said, sprinting into the hall. 

The boys followed and found what was a large basket filled with chips, candy bars and any snack they could want. 

“Wow, this is WICKED!” Bokuto yelled, grabbing seven bags with one hand. 

They grabbed as much as they could hold in their arms, and walked back outside, to a picnic table overlooking the lake. 

The moon was full creating a blue aura that cascaded over the lake and the boys' faces. 

They ate and laughed, talking about anything they thought of. 

“DO A FLIP!” They heard a familiar voice yell from down by the lake. The boys all turned and laughed as they watched Tanaka flip over Nishinoya into the lake. Ennoshita was sitting with his feet dangling off the dock, visibly annoyed with the two. Obviously, the boys realized this so they grabbed Ennoshita’s ankles and dragged him into the water. 

“I’LL KILL YOU BOTH!” Ennoshita screamed as he hit the water with a splash. Tanaka and Nishinoya swam to the dock quickly getting on top of it and running in fear around the small sandy part of the lake. Ennoshita was close behind, as he grabbed them by the collars and dragged them back to the edge of the dock. 

“THIS IS FOR FORCING ME TO COME!” Ennoshita threw Tanaka in, head first. 

“THIS IF FOR DRAGGING ME IN THE WATER.” He threw Nishinoya in, head first. 

“AND THIS, IS FOR BEING ANNOYING!” Ennoshita yelled. As the two boys came up for air, Ennoshita belly-flopped onto them. After a few seconds of silence, all three boys came back up and laughed. 

“YOU MORONS, DON’T KILL YOURSELVES, GOD, SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO RELAX!” Coach Ukai yelled from his cabin which was next to the lake. 

Everyone laughed as Ukai slammed his door and walked back into his cabin. 

“What’s with all the commotion?” A voice from behind Bokuto cut him off as he turned to see the visitors. 

Kuroo jogged to us as Akaashi trailed behind him, head down, keeping up the shy kid facade. 

“TANAKA AND NISHINOYA WERE JUMPING IN THE LAKE AND THEN THEY….” Hinata retold the story to an interested Kuroo and Bokuto stared at the eyes he missed. 

Even if it was for a couple seconds, he felt something was missing without the blue eyed boy’s gaze on him. 

As they sat and laughed under the light of a million stars, Bokuto felt that all too familiar warmth surround him. He looked toward Akaashi as the rest of the group's noises seemed to fade. The eyes of the one he saw every night was on him. Akaashi’s lips pulled into a small smile as his eyes were finally filled with Bokuto’s magical ones. Bokuto nodded off to the moonlit path through the woods and then back at Akaashi, raising an eyebrow. Akaashi’s eyes widened and he nodded. 

“Um, hey you guys,” Bokuto said, standing up. “I’m going to go for a walk and get to know Akaashi more, anyone want to join.” 

Hinata and Yamaguchi had fallen asleep, chips falling out of their mouth as their heads laid on the table. Tsukishima and Kuroo looked at each other, and then the sleeping babies and laughed. 

“We’ll make sure these guys get to bed safely, see you later!” Kuroo said but, before Bokuto walked off, Kuroo grabbed his hand.

“Be careful.” He whispered, staring intensely at Bokuto. Bokuto nodded and a shiver ran through his spine. He stared at Kuroo and then smiled. Kuroo stared back, the intensity just grew with how long he stared.

What was his problem?

Bokuto let out a nervous laugh and walked away, Akaashi jogged to his side as they walked toward the woods. 

Bokuto couldn’t shake the feeling he had felt when Kuroo stared at him, did he know something Bokuto didn’t?

As they walked along the path framed in moonlight, Akaashi would occasionally brush his arm against Bokuto’s.

“So…” Akaashi said, breaking the silence. “How are you feeling?” He turned to the boy and smiled, waiting for his answer. 

“I don’t know, did Kuroo seem off to you?” Bokuto asked, staring strangely at the sky. 

“Um, not that I could sense, no, why?” Akaashi said, grabbing his hand and stopping him as he could see even walking for a distance put a strain on Bokuto. Bokuto breathed deeply and nodded in gratitude. 

“He just was acting strange before I left, I’m not sure if he’s feeling well, I should probably go back and talk to him.” Bokuto said, suddenly turning back and walking away from Akaashi.

Akaashi was left in the dust, he turned to watch Bokuto leave as he stood on the trail. 

“O-ok, I’ll see you in the morning.” Akaashi called as Bokuto replied with a simple wave and walked away into the darkness. 

As Bokuto walked, he kept feeling a pain that continued to become more evident with each step he took. He sighed, lucky Akaashi wasn’t near. The last thing he wanted to do was worry the guy. His thoughts were interrupted by a small branch that had fallen on the trail, he stumbled, but luckily stabilized himself. He tried to breathe but was cut off by his throat sorely closing around him. 

He started coughing and fell down to his knees. 

He needed to get to his cabin and take his medication fast. 

He knew Kuroo was right with warning him, he hadn’t taken his pills all day. 

“F-fuck, please not now…” Bokuto whispered as his world started to fade. 

“N-NO!” He yelled, stumbling to his feet and braced for his world to fall on it’s side but it never came. 

He let out the air he didn’t realize he had been holding and sobbed into the warm chest of Akaashi. 

“I’ve got you, no need to worry.” Akaashi whispered in his ear, placing Bokuto’s arm around his neck. 

“I’ve always got you.” 

“Hey, o-oh SHIT!” A voice from the path called as Kuroo came running into view. He carried a small pill bottle in one hand and Bokuto’s water bottle in the other. 

“Just in time, he fell down as you noticed us” Akaashi stated, holding the sobbing Bokuto tightly. 

“Set him down over there, elevate his head and make sure he keeps his eyes open.” Kuroo ordered as Akaashi followed in perfect fashion.

“A-Akaashi,” Bokuto stuttered as the boy laid Bokuto’s back against his chest. They were sitting and Bokuto was in between Akaashi’s legs, facing Kuroo. 

“Alright buddy, it’s me, Kuroo, you know the drill, stay with me.” Kuroo said, opening the pill bottle and pouring a couple out. 

“K-Kuroo, I’m not l-leaving d-dumba-ass.” Bokuto said between pants, trying to laugh. 

“I know you aren’t, head back.” Kuroo said, motioning for Akaashi to support his neck. 

Akaashi nodded, placing his hands behind Bokuto’s neck as he lightly leaned it back. Bokuto’s mouth fell open and Kuroo handed him the water bottle. Bokuto took a swift gulp before Kuroo dropped in a pill. Bokuto took another swig and the pill was gone. 

This charade went on for another 5 pills all coming in different sizes and different colors. As Bokuto finally swallowed the last one, he let out an exasperated sigh. 

“T-thank you, you guys.” He said, regaining his breath. He leaned himself into Akaashi more as he sighed. He opened his eyes and stared straight at the sky as Kuroo put the cap on the pill bottle again. Bokuto found Akaashi’s hand and gave it a squeeze. 

“The stars, they’re so bright tonight.” Bokuto said, nodding off on Akaashi’s chest. 

“They sure are.” Akaashi said, never taking his eyes off the sleeping treasure in his arms.


	9. Promise

“DO THE QUICK!” Daichi screamed as the volleyball flew through the air. Kuroo had just blocked Asahi from spiking and the ball was floating in mid air, waiting for instructions.

Hinata and Kageyama met eyes for a split second before quickly getting in position. 

“HERE!” Hinata yelled as he jumped. As always he jumped with no doubt and as always the ball came directly to him. He slammed it down but, before the ball hit the floor, Nishinoya rolled to it and kept the ball in the air.

“NICE RECEIVE!” Tanaka yelled as he moved, tapping Nishinoya’s back, eyes still on the ball in the air. 

“BRING IT TO ME!” A voice yelled from the left side of the court. 

Bokuto flew into the air as Akaaashi set the ball beautifully into his vision. 

“TSUKISHIMA, BLOCK!” Daichi yelled as Tsukishima and Kageyama jumped up, hands inches from the hovering ball.

All Bokuto did was smirk. 

His eyes landed on a spot to his right, cutting it extremely close. He smacked the ball with all his might watching it graze Kageyama’s fingertips as it went right past him and hit the ground with a solid thump. 

“THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” Bokuto yelled as he ran to Akaashi and hugged him. 

“DID YOU SEE THAT AKAASHI? DID YOU SEE MY CRAZY CUT SHOT? Did you? DID YOU?” He yelled as he tackled Akaashi to the ground. 

It had been two days since Bokuto was saved from a blackout and he was feeling much better. That night, as Kuroo carried Bokuto back, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Kuroo had thought all night how to combat his blackouts and came up with a perfect solution. The next morning, Kuroo woke him up and became his “parent” in a way, reminding him at specific times to make sure he’s taken his pills.

They did endurance training in the morning together, running along the lake. Then by night, after practice, they did yoga and stretching under the stars. Kuroo took his own schedule and added Bokuto to it, never letting him out of his sight. 

“Of course I saw, we practiced that like 16 times this morning.” Akaashi’s monotone voice cut through Bokuto’s yells. 

Akaashi joined Bokuto and Kuroo that morning on their endurance training. Strangely enough, Akaashi wasn’t able to sleep at all the night before. He planted himself outside on the steps, the fear creeping up into his mind, watching Bokuto’s cabin across the way. He didn’t feel like sleeping knowing Bokuto was steps away from him and there was a possibility he would need him again. 

Akaashi was going to make sure nothing ever happened to Bokuto again. 

That morning Kuroo noticed Akaashi, who had fallen asleep on the steps. 

“Hey, sleepy, were you out here all night?” Kuroo asked, bumping into Akaashi as he sat next to him on the stairs. 

“M-maybe.” Akaashi said, chuckling in his grogginess. 

“I get it,” Kuroo yawned, patting Akaashi’s head. “He’s going to be okay, he’s the strongest guy I know.” Kuroo said, as he exhaled. 

The cabin across the way opened up, and out came a tired Bokuto. He rubbed his eyes and ruffled his hair. He stretched and then noticed the two boys sitting across. His eyes lit up and he stumbled down the stairs to them. 

“Is Akaashi coming with us today?” Bokuto asked, trying to suppress the excitement he felt. 

“Only if he’s up for it.” Kuroo looked at Akaashi. 

“Oh, I’ll be right back, we should go to the gym earlier and practice some sets!” Bokuto said, turning back to get his sneakers. 

“If you need to go back in and take a nap I’ll come get you when we decide to go to the gym. We’re up much earlier than everyone else so we have plenty of time.” Kuroo said, patting Akaashi’s shoulder. Akaashi had not taken his eyes off Bokuto as he ran away into his cabin. 

“N-no, I think I’m good. I’ll come with you guys now.” Akaashi said, finally turning to Kuroo. Kuroo stared back with curiosity and interest in his eyes. 

Why did it seem Bokuto and Akaashi had known each other for years?

Kuroo nodded and stood, holding his hand out for Akaashi. “Well then, let’s get ready. The king doesn’t like when we keep him waiting.” Kuroo chuckled, pushing Akaashi in front of him. 

They ran on the forest trail, the three of them, in the dim light of dawn. 

Luckily the temperature wasn’t so hot that Bokuto could push through it. The doctors had told Bokuto before training camp that no matter how hard he worked in growing his endurance, it wasn’t going to grow. His heart was being regulated by a small device and if he overexerted himself, the device would think he was going into cardiac arrest. Which was extremely unsafe.

If the device went off, and continued to help Bokuto breathe through what it believed was a “cardiac arrest”, it wouldn't be at full power if he actually had a heart problem later on. 

Bokuto breathed deeply, still able to feel the sharp twinge as he ran. He smiled.

He hadn’t set off the device yet, which meant he was still in a position to continue. 

“B-Bokuto?” Kuroo turned and slowed his pace. “How are you doing, do you need to take a break?” Kuroo panted. 

Bokuto just shook his head, grinning wider. Kuroo smirked and picked up the pace. 

Akaashi’s eyes widened in confusion. He looked towards Bokuto as his forehead shone with clear traces of sweat. Bokuto met his eyes and flashed him a cocky grin. Akaashi rolled his eyes and smiled back, but the feeling of uncertainty never left. 

“You can’t just keep going until you black out, dumbass. We are almost back at the gym.” Kuroo said, as the building finally came into view. 

As they reached the steps to the gym, all three of the boys collapsed, hands on their knees, chuckling. 

“That was p-pretty g-good, t-thanks for the invite!” Akaashi said between pants. 

Bokuto turned to him and laughed, slapping his back hard. 

“That was nothing Akaashi, now is the fun part.” He picked himself up and threw open the doors to the gym, sprinting to a ball. 

“SET FOR ME!” He screamed, smiling wider than ever. 

At that moment, Bokuto felt nostalgic. 

After Kenma passed, no one on his team was able to mimic exactly how he set the ball. It was always perfectly placed in the air for Bokuto to slam down. He enjoyed playing but he lost motivation every time someone wasn’t Kenma. It broke him inside. 

But now, staring at the blue eyed boy who finally had a name, he felt lighter. He knew Kenma was proud, even if he wasn’t the one to physically help Bokuto succeed.

“BOKUTOO!” Hinata screamed, ducking under the net and running to them. “TEACH ME HOW TO DO THAT!” Bokuto turned and smiled, grabbing the redhead. 

“HINATA, YOU DUMBASS, THE GAME ISN’T OVER!” Kageyema yelled, walking to Hinata and pulling him back by the collar. 

“Fine, LATER!” Hinata called, winking at the boy as they both laughed in unison. 

The game ended shortly after that, with a final score of 24-26. It was extremely close but, last minute, Bokuto had to sit out and Hinata’s team pulled through. 

Bokuto angrily nodded at the final score. If only he wasn’t out of breath, he could have continued. 

Bokuto hung his head as Kuroo looked at him and shook his own head, chuckling. The winning team was allowed to go to lunch earlier, while the losers stayed to clean up. Bokuto quickly cleaned up what he had to, and grabbed another volleyball as the others filtered out. 

“Akaashi.” Bokuto called, as Akaashi turned around. 

“Set for me, would you?” Bokuto flashed his bright grin as Akaashi smiled softly. 

“Always.” 

__________

The two weeks of training camp went by in a flash without any more accidents from Bokuto. They finished their final scrimmage of the two weeks, as the sun was setting over the diamond lake. Bokuto’s team won this time, a final score of 25-20 brought him unexplainable happiness. 

“Alright everyone, these two weeks are finally over but, I can say with no doubt in my mind that each one of you has improved.” Coach Ukai said to the group as they nodded and smiled. “Anyway, after you guys clean up, you can go eat. Before the night is over, make sure your cabins are clean, pack up and go have fun. Don’t stay out too late, we have an 8 am bus ride back. You are dismissed!” Coach Ukai yelled, tossing the volleyball in his hand to Hinata who bounced off to the storage room. 

The rest of the teams quickly cleaned up, laughing and hollering at the prospect of food. 

“Bokuto?” Akaashi’s voice cut through the crowd right to him as it always did. Bokuto slowly turned around and smiled. 

“What’s up?” He asked. Akaashi shifted his feet and bent to pick up his gym bag.

“Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to go for another walk tonight?” 

Akaashi and Bokuto had been going for nightly walks. Bokuto had millions of things to say regarding stars and his past and Kenma and Akaashi, loved it all. He absorbed every single thing the boy said and to his disappointment, he fell deeper in love. 

He couldn't stop himself, even if it was forbidden.

“Of course! Let’s go after dinner because I am STARVING!” Bokuto said, grabbing Akaashi’s wrists and catching up to the group. 

About a half hour later, Akaashi and Bokuto walked through the forest, under the beautiful blue of the moonlight. 

Bokuto bumped into Akaashi, grabbing his hand and rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. Akaashi smiled and squeezed his hand, experiencing the moment for as long as he could. 

Each night they walked, each night they explored, each night they spent together, Bokuto couldn’t help himself. 

He fell deeper for the mysterious boy with no past.

“So, I need to tell you something Bokuto.” Akaashi started slowing their pace. His eyes met Bokuto’s and he gestured to the side of the path to a spot that was void of any trees. They sat on the edge of the trail, overlooking the lake and breathing in the comforting smell of nature.

“What do you need to tell me Akaashi?” Bokuto questioned, staring at the boy whose head was down. 

“I-I, um, I think that we are close enough now for me to finally explain what I am.” Akaashi lifted his head and stared over at Bokuto. Bokuto just smiled. 

“I feel like we are close as well but,” He placed his chin on Akaashi’s shoulder, looking at the boy. “You don’t need to feel obligated to tell me anything. I’ve already fallen in love with yo-” Bokuto’s eyes widened as he moved back, covering his mouth. 

Akaashi’s eyes shot open as his face burned a warm red. 

“B-Bokuto?” Akaashi stuttered out. 

“Oh wow, um, forget I said that, I didn’t mean-”

Bokuto was cut off by Akaashi’s eyes. They moved down Bokuto’s face, examining every part he could see under the moonlight. He blinked at Bokuto’s lips and then met his eyes again. 

“Bokuto, I love you.” 

The stars in the sky grew brighter as Akaashi slowly leaned in, closing the space between them. 

Their lips touched and Bokuto finally understood what it felt like to have his breath stolen in the best way possible. He gasped into him, placing his hand on Akaashi’s cheek. Akaashi smiled into the kiss, placing his hands on the back of Bokuto’s neck, rubbing softly.

Akaashi’s lips were soft against Bokuto’s as he breathed in the scent of him.

He felt his heart beat faster as he continued to experience and feel everything that was Bokuto. Like sunsets on the beach, flowers blooming in spring, all the good things of the world. 

Bokuto wasn’t just an incredible person, he was everything good in the world.

He was everything good in people.

He was everything good. 

Bokuto breathed deeply as their mouths moved in sync. 

Beautiful silent kisses as the stars watched and the moon gazed in envy. 

Bokuto felt the longing, the despair, the eagerness and happiness of Akaashi’s existence flow through his veins as they continued to kiss. 

Bokuto was keenly aware of the way others felt, he was skilled at reading people but he could never read Akaashi. 

He never could, until now. 

“Akaashi.” Bokuto sighed as Akaashi separated from him, breathing deeply. 

“Bokuto.” Akaashi breathed, placing his hand on his cheek, cradling the delicate skin of his face. 

“I need to explain what I am Koutar-”

“That can wait.” Bokuto interrupted, glancing down at Akaashi’s lips, smirking. 

“I want that again.” He chuckled in embarrassment. Akaashi raised an eyebrow and giggled, pulling Bokuto’s face toward him. 

“Gladly, I’ve been waiting to do this for years.” Akaashi whispered before meeting Bokuto’s lips again. 

Fireworks exploded in Bokuto’s stomach at Akaashi’s words and actions. 

He felt the love he never thought he would ever feel in his short time on this earth. 

Thoughts of his illness crept in as he kissed the beautiful boy in front of him but, Bokuto quickly pushed them away. 

He smiled into the kiss as one question stayed in his mind. 

He couldn’t die any quicker by loving someone, right?

__________

“BOKUTO! Where the hell is he?” Kuroo sighed out loud, walking through the woods. It was getting late and Bokuto promised Kuroo he’d be back an hour ago. Kuroo continued walking. He pulled out his phone to call Bokuto again but it went straight to voicemail. 

“Bokuto hey, it’s me. I need you to call me and come back to the cabin. Now. You have to take your pills. I thought we made a plan you wouldn’t forget anymore. Call me back.” Kuroo hung up angrily brushing his fingers through his hair. 

“God Bokuto, where are yo-?” His question was interrupted by the faint sound of laughter flowing in the breeze. Kuroo’s eyes widened and he followed the noise, laughter getting louder and louder until he turned the corner. 

His eyes fell upon Bokuto and Akaashi. He sighed in relief. He was about to yell hello when he noticed their hands.

They were interlocked. 

Kuroo’s eyes widened and a present rage now filled him. He stepped around the corner and stood in front of the two with his arms crossed. 

Bokuto noticed Kuroo first, taking his hand out of Akaashi’s. “Kuroo, heyyy!” Bokuto said, jogging to his best friend. 

Kuroo was not impressed. 

He softly smiled at Bokuto before turning to Akaashi. Akaashi shivered under the intense gaze Kuroo glared at him with. 

“Bokuto, I need you to go back to the cabin and take your pills. You promised you wouldn’t forget.” Kuroo said, placing an arm around Bokuto’s back, pushing him away. Bokuto’s eyes widened and he nodded, jogging away. 

“I’ll see you after Bokuto!” Akaashi called, trying to walk past Kuroo, but Kuroo blocked his path.

“Are you trying to kill him?” Kuroo asked, glaring at the boy in front of him. “The only time he had an accident was with you. That kid is sick, sicker than he shows and sicker than he thinks he is. If you’re going to burden him with your presence and make him forget he’s not a normal kid, you’re going to be the one who ends up killing him.” Kuroo poked Akaashi’s chest and sighed. 

“He’s been my best friend for years. I’ve had to adjust myself, and the way I live so that I can make Bokuto forget about his illness while still being mindful of it. I love the kid but I don’t want him getting hurt. Please.” Kuroo’s face softened and he hung his head, tears falling on the ground.

“Please, make sure he doesn’t die on your watch. You’ll never forget.” 

Akaashi suddenly felt how Kenma had impacted the boys. 

Neither Kuroo nor Bokuto feared death for themselves, they feared it for each other. 

Akaashi sighed, patting his head. 

“He’s the strongest guy we know, right? He’ll get through it.” He smiled at the black haired boy who chuckled lightly. 

“Using my own words against me I see.” He slung his arm around Akaashi’s neck and led him back down the path to the cabins. 

“I didn’t mean to blow up on you, it just, it hits too close to home.” Kuroo sighed, remembering a time in his life where he was Akaashi and Kenma was Bokuto. 

**********  
“YOU! YOU’RE DOING THIS TO POOR KENMA.” Tsukishima growled as they left the hospital. 

Kenma had relapsed after being cancer free for two months. He was hanging out with Kuroo when his nose started bleeding and he fainted. Turns out, the cancer returned and they were extremely lucky the paramedics arrived when they did.

“You’re insane Tsuki, I’m not doing anything wrong. He needs to learn to forget a little!” Kuroo explained, “Plus, he’s okay, they made sure he was stable.” Kuroo glanced at Tsukishima who was glaring at him. 

“For how long?” Tsuki asked, exasperatingly sighing. “God, Kuroo, you don’t get it. He can’t be a normal kid. You can make him believe he is one but, you can never treat him as he is. He doesn’t want to admit he’s as sick as he is, but, you need to make sure you’re aware of it.” Tsukisima grasped Kuroo’s wrists, stopping their walking. Tsukishia’s head was down.

“Don’t you dare forget it.” Tsukishima whispered, tears started to flow down his face. 

“PROMISE ME YOU WON’T!” He lifted his head, eyes seering into Kuroo’s.

“I-I promise I won’t.” 

**********

Kuroo’s heart flipped at the sudden memory.

He did forget, and he blamed himself everyday. 

“It’s okay, I should have been more conscious about it all. I’ll be more mindful from now on.” Akaashi apologized, flashing a smile to him. 

Kuroo smiled back but he couldn’t shake the feeling that the two boys were a parallel to him and Kenma. No matter what, he wasn’t going to let what happened to Kenma happen to Bokuto. 

He couldn’t. 

He promised Kenma he wouldn't and that was one he would never forget.


	10. No more secrets

The ride home was relaxing as Bokuto slept the entire way.

Him and Kuroo brought their own car in case Bokuto had any issues, but the rest of the teams had to take a bus back. Bokuto packed all of his things and said some quick farewells to the teams before jumping in the car and falling asleep.

Kuroo stared at his best friend as they stopped at a red light. He sighed, watching the way Bokuto’s chest rose and fell with each breath. His mind flashed back to the moment Kenma’s chest stopped rising and fresh tears stung his eyes. 

“I can’t let that happen.” He whispered, reaching over and squeezing Bokuto’s hand. Recently Kuroo had become more cautious of Bokuto. He wasn’t going to let he know but, he felt as though Bokuto’s new found strength and endurance wasn’t something to be tested. It didn’t feel sustainable. Kuroo bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to regain control of his emotions.

To tell the truth, Kuroo was so scared. He was always scared for Bokuto but, recently, Bokuto was the thing that scared him. He was so naive and carefree that he hadn’t realized his death date was slowly coming to be. There was a reason why he had to take medication. There was a reason why he has a device that regulates his heart. There was a reason why he constantly saw doctors and specialists. 

He was dying, yet, he acted as if he were invincible. 

Kuroo knew everything there was to know about Bokuto’s illness. He had researched what Bokuto had the day after Kenma left. He needed something to distract him from the hole in his heart, so he became obsessed. He was constantly trying to figure out if there was a cure out there. 

His whole world came tumbling down for the second time when he realized it was incurable. Because it was so rare, no doctors were actively working to figure out some viable alternative to just pills. 

There was no way out. 

The hardest path Bokuto will trod, he will not have to walk alone. Kuroo was going to face the toil and heartbreak with him, until the very end. 

As the light turned green Kuroo wiped his eyes and turned back to the road, driving forward. He was calmly listening to music as a noise interrupted his thoughts. Bokuto shifted in his seat. Not wanting to wake him Kuroo found the source, Bokuto’s phone. He was about to turn it off until he realized it was an unknown number. 

Kuroo quickly pulled over and answered the phone. 

“This is Tetsurou Kuroo speaking, Koutarou cannot come to the phone right now, who is this?” Kuroo spoke seriously into the phone. 

“Oh, Kuroo? Hey! Is Bokuto there?” The low rumble of Akaashi’s voice came through the phone. Kuroo’s grip tightened around it. 

“He’s not around right now, I’ll pass your message on.” Kuroo stated bluntly. 

“Cool, just tell him to call me whenever he can! Hinata gave me his number, hey Hinata wanna say hi?” There was a shuffling sound from the other side of the phone as Kuroo heard the shrill voice of Hinata come through. 

“Hi Kuroo! Tell Bokuto I said hi too!” He giggled as did Kuroo. 

“Of course shrimpy, I’ll do that.” Kuroo said as the shuffling sound indicated it had returned back to Akaashi. “What were you saying, Akaashi?” Kuroo asked, his tone turning ice cold once again. 

“Yeah, I was just wondering if Bokuto and I could hang out later on this week, I’m not sure what his schedule is so just tell him to call me and we can discuss it later. Thanks Kuroo, see ya!” The long beep sounded as Akaashi hung up. 

Kuroo shook his head and stared at Bokuto next to him. 

“Bokuto….I don’t know who he is or why you seem to be pulled to him but, please, please, do not forget who you are. Do not forget, because, at this rate, who knows how often I’ll be around anymore.” Kuroo hung his head, whispering into the quiet air that surrounded him as he talked to Bokuto's sleeping body.

“Promise me you won’t be Kenma. I don’t know if I can take another loss.” Kuroo stated, as he pulled out and continued to drive home. 

Bokuto could not stop the silent tears from running down his face. 

He knew that if he were going to be Kenma, no one could stop that from happening. 

__________

“Mom, dad, Kuroo and I are home!” Bokuto yelled as he carried his bags into the house. Kuroo was behind him, carrying his own things. Bokuto looked around at the empty house. It was still early in the day which means they were probably still at work. 

“I’ll send them a text, you can go jump in the shower if you want Kuroo, I have some clothes you can borrow.” Bokuto said, gesturing toward the bathroom. Kuroo smirked and patted Bokuto’s head. “You too dude, you stink. Anyway, is it cool if I sleep over? I don’t really feel like going back to an empty house tonight.” Kuroo said, placing his bags down and pulling out a towel from the closet. 

“Oh, yeah, my parents won’t mind.” Bokuto said, smiling. 

As Kuroo showered, Bokuto walked outside and dialed Akaashi.

“Hey there stranger.” Bokuto could practically hear Akaashi’s smile through the phone as he answered. 

“Long time no see. Anyway, how was your nap, sleeping beauty.” Akaashi chuckled as Bokuto rolled his eyes. 

“It was fine, I’m still a little fatigued. I think I pushed myself these two weeks. The adrenaline is gone and what's left is an empty shell of a man.” Bokuto sighed, dramatically chuckling. 

“Hey, well, if you ever need an escape, I’m free 24/7. Just call me and I’ll be there as soon as I can, ok? Do you need me now?” Akaashi’s tone was serious as he threw out ideas. 

“N-no, Kuroo is staying the night so, I’ll call you tomorrow or something. Depends how I’m feeling. Anyway, I wanted to call you and say thank you.” Bokuto said. 

“Thank you? Wait, what for?” Akaashi questioned, obvious curiosity in his tone. 

“Thank you for coming here, thank you for helping me, thank you for the words you say and for making me feel the way I do but, most importantly,” Bokuto took a deep breath, trying to hold his tears in. 

“Thank you for being my setter.” Bokuto finished, wiping his face. 

“I should be thanking you, Koutarou. Without you, I’d actually despise my existence. It sucks but, with you it’s, better. That reminds me, I never got to explain. How about we go to the coffee shop next to the library tomorrow after Kuroo leaves your house. Does that sound good to you?” Akaashi asked. 

“Yeah, that’ll be perfect. I’ll call you when I’m about to leave. See you then.” Bokuto said before he stopped himself. “W-wait Akaashi.”

“I’m still here, what’s up?”

“I-I just wanted to say that…'' Bokuto's voice faded off as he started to become embarrassed. Akaashi knew what he was trying to say. 

He would be a fraud if he didn’t know Bokuto better than himself. He chuckled into the phone.

“It’s ok, Bokuto, I love you too.” 

And with that, Akaashi hung up, leaving Bokuto blushing like crazy. 

As Bokuto sat, watching the birds fly overhead, Kuroo came outside with a towel on his head. 

“Shower is all yours!” He stated, throwing a fresh towel at the boy. Bokuto nodded, running into the house without a word. Kuroo’s brows knit in confusion as he noticed Bokuto left his phone. Kuroo sat, breathing in the summer heat as Bokuto’s phone beeped, indicating a text message. 

New Message From: Akaashi :)

“I hope you sleep well tonight, I’ll make sure to find you in your dreams.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened as he dropped the phone, gasping. He stared at the message on the phone inches away from him. He shook his head and continued to stare, eyes never blinking. Kuroo’s mind was running a million miles per second as he thought. 

Akaashi. 

He came at such a convenient time in Bokuto’s life. 

He apparently had no past to talk about and he just appeared out of thin air, with no distinct place of residence. 

He was a perfect setter, perfectly attuned to Bokuto. 

He was shy and quiet.

He was everything like Kenma. 

Kuroo ran his fingers through his air as his eyes filled with tears.

He had to be overreacting. 

That boy, Keiji Akaashi.

He wasn’t the dream boy Bokuto always saw, was he?

__________

After Bokuto’s shower he started feeling even more fatigued than usual. His energetic self was left at the training camp along with his endurance and stamina. 

“K-Kuroo, I’m going to take a nap, feel free to join. You can watch a movie or something. I don’t really feel like being alone.” Bokuto sighed as he shuffled himself into his room, leaving the door open. 

“Let’s take your medication before you slee-” Kuroo stated, walking in with the pill bottle but, was interrupted to see Bokuto completely asleep sprawled on his bed. Kuroo chuckled and left the pills on his desk, covering Bokuto with a few blankets. He wanted to wake him and make him take his pills but, it would be best to let him rest. The less he exerted himself, the better he was. 

To the tune of Bokuto’s soft breaths, Kuroo could not shake the text from his mind. He turned to Bokuto as he sat at his desk chair, reading a book. He wondered if he was dreaming of the boy and if it was in fact Akaashi. There was something thick in the air as he remembered the way the boy held Bokuto. The way Bokuto rested in his chest. The way Bokuto seemed to forget what exactly he was dealing with when he was around Akaashi. Kuroo shook his head. 

He was never fond of memories of Kenma in the hospital so, coincidentally, they were the only memories that seemed to come. 

**********  
“Hey loser, how ya feeling?” Kuroo strutted into Kenma’s room in the hospital. The dull white of the room was extremely close to the color of Kenma’s skin these days. The color was slowly leaving the boy. Kuroo tried to forget about all that as Kenma’s eyes lit up at the sight of him.

“Kuroo!” Kenma said, reaching his arms out as far as they could, asking for a hug. Kuroo smiled and obliged, walking to Kenma and sitting on the bed.

“You doing alright?” Kuroo asked, into Kenma’s neck. Kuroo could feel a slight nod from Kenma before they separated. 

“Yeah, They actually said that I won’t have to shave my head! How cool is that!” Kenma said, giddily. Kuroo’s eyes widened and he smiled. Kenma had been struggling with the prospect of being bald. It was an inevitable part of being a cancer patient but, happily it wasn’t part of Kenma’s. 

“Either way, you’d still be cute.” Kuroo said, poking Kenma’s cheek as he leaned in and kissed it. 

“You’re unbearable!” Kenma said, giggling and pushing Kuroo away. Kuroo laughed loud and continued to push toward Kenma. 

“You can’t get rid of me! Don’t tell me you forgot about our pact?” Kuroo placed a hand over his heart and dramatically threw his head back in mock sorrow. Kenma stared at the boy, remembering the day they decided they were going to be together forever. 

“Of course I remember, I wouldn’t have made it if I was ever going to forget.” Kenma gazed at Kuroo. 

The boy who made him believe in soulmates. 

“We are going to get married when this is all over, get a big house in the middle of the town. You’re going to be an amazing scientist and I’ll be a game developer. When we finally settle down enough, we are going to have 12 adopted kids so we can make our own volleyball team. Then we are going to travel the world and spend as much time together as we can. Creating memories, falling deeper in love and staying together, until the very end.” Kenma said, as tears started to grace his delicate skin. 

Kuroo held Kenma’s cheeks in his hands, softly bringing his forehead to his own.

“Exactly. Together until the very end.” 

The two boys sat in the quiet company of each other for what felt like hours. Reminiscing on old times and imagining the future they were going to build together. Kuroo moved himself next to Kenma in the bed, cradling the boy until the nurses came in to escort Kenma to the testing room. Kuroo moved away from the bed as they helped Kenma into a wheelchair and wheeled him out. 

As they pushed him away, Kenma wouldn't turn back to watch Kuroo wave goodbye. Kuroo just chuckled, thinking he was embarrassed about leaving to go do blood tests, but that wasn’t the case. It was all to keep Kuroo’s heart together as long as possible. 

Kenma and his secrets, always a burden he felt alone.

**********

Kuroo shook his head as Bokuto started moving in the bed beside him. He sat up straight and rubbed his eyes, looking distant. 

“Hey.” Kuroo said.

“I don’t get it, why am I not dreaming?!” Bokuto suddenly burst into rage as he smacked his cheeks. “Is there something WRONG WITH ME?” He questioned out loud. 

Kuroo was taken aback by the sudden noise and he took the pill bottle and water next to him, moving toward the bed. 

“Are you ok, Bokuto? What’s going on?” He handed the pill bottle to Bokuto as Bokuto took it and chucked it across the room. 

“I don’t want these stupid things, I just want to be able to BREATHE!” Bokuto yelled, sobbing into his hands. “Why can’t I see him anymore, Kuroo? WHY? WHY? WHY?” Bokuto cried, throwing his pillows across the room until there was nothing left on his bed. He grabbed Kuroo’s shoulders and stared into his eyes. 

Kuroo couldn’t hold back his own tears as he took Bokuto into his arms. 

“I-I don’t know Bokuto, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Was all Kuroo could say as the boy in front of him trembled. 

“K-Kuroo, you’ll stay right? You’re going to be with me, until the very end, right?” Bokuto said, trembling against Kuroo’s chest. His eyes were wide, filled with tears that fell down his face. His whole body was shaking, he was gasping but, not in the way he did when a black out was occurring, it was an even worse experience. 

He was trying so hard to breathe. 

To breathe normally, at least once in his life.

Kuroo held him tighter. 

“Of c-course,” Kuroo shook his head as the tears started to flow down his cheeks. He held his best friend, feeling the memories of a time where he held a trembling Kenma in this exact way. 

He knew what was coming. 

“Until the very end.” 

He knew the end was close.

They both sobbed into each other. The air was thick as their noses began to become stuffed and their throats became scratchy. They sobbed noisily until there was no noise that came. Bokuto had finally calmed down, falling to sleep once again, dehydration cutting into his sobs. 

After sitting in silence save for sniffles, Kuroo moved Bokuto back into his bed, picking his pillows up and tucking the boy in. Bokuto moved around and stared at Kuroo. 

Kuroo felt his breath hitch. 

His eyes, once full of light and sparkle and energy, were now a dull grey, void of all color. 

Kuroo slowly turned, trying not to burst again and walked to the pill bottle, handing it to Bokuto. 

Bokuto took it, nodding. 

“It’s the life I live.” He said before downing the five necessary pills and gulping down the water Kuroo brought a while ago. 

“It’s unfair.” Kuroo muttered, laying his head in Bokuto’s lap. Bokuto flinched slightly at the touch. 

He wasn’t sure why but, being touched, in any way shape or form, was painful now. 

He wasn’t going to be feeling that much longer, was he?

Bokuto silently cried while stroking Kuroo’s hair. 

“I’m so sorry,” Bokuto whispered into the dark. “I’m so sorry, I don’t really care about dying. I really care about who I’m leaving behind. I’m sorry Kuroo, I’m trying.” Bokuto’s voice broke and he sobbed in silence over a sleeping Kuroo. 

Unbeknownst to Bokuto, Kuroo sobbed too. 

The light from the stars outside illuminated Bokuto’s tears as they rolled off his face and into his hands. He stared at his palms, now wet with his own tears. He remembered the hands he’d held, the volleyball’s he’d spiked, he remembered everything that he had the opportunity to experience. 

Although it was coming to an end, he smiled, staring contently out the window.

There was no one in the universe, who loved stars as much as Bokuto. 

He hoped when that day did come, he’d become a star, sitting up there, illuminating the sky, forever and always. 

That way, he’d never be forgotten.  
_____________

Bokuto woke up to an empty bed and the smell of eggs filled his nostrils. He slowly got up and sat at the edge of his bed. He wiped his eyes as he stared out to a perfect summer day. 

“The sun’s shining, your first reason to smile today.” Bokuto whispered to himself, softly pulling his lips up in content. He opened the door to his bedroom and walked out, sitting down at the table. He watched Kuroo from afar until the boy noticed him. 

“Hey, how’d you sleep, Bo?” Kuroo asked, flashing a smile, pretending he was alright for Bokuto’s sake. 

That’s what everyone did around Bokuto, pretend. 

They liked to act like he wasn’t a bomb, ready to explode and destroy every smile, every laugh, every relationship around him.

The time was only nearing for the bomb itself to blow. 

“I’m alright, how about you?” To Bokuto’s discomfort, he smiled back, pretending alongside his best friend, as they’d done for years. 

“Same, d-did you…” Kuroo looked at Bokuto and put his head down, his sentence fading. Bokuto tilted his head in curiosity. 

“Did you...see him.” Kuroo said, moving the eggs around in the pan. 

“Wel-” Bokuto started but Kuroo's sharp tone cut through. 

“Akaashi, I mean, it’s him, right?” Kuroo’s head remained down as Bokuto gaped. How did he figure that out so fast?

“Kuroo, I’m not sure how, or why and I don’t even know where he came from but, it seems to be the truth. I’m supposed to meet with him today so he can explain. I’ll retell it all to you tomorrow, I promise.” Bokuto stared at Kuroo, afraid he’d be mad. Kuroo glanced at him and let out a laugh, his head thrown back and his lips pulled up, he cackled. 

“No need to be worried, I’m happy.” Kuroo looked at Bokuto and he couldn’t help but feel emotional. 

For as long as he’d known Kuroo, the prospect of his friends being sick and dying was always burdening him. It was evident in the way he smiled, the way he laughed and the way he regarded his friends. 

But right then, the genuineness of Kuroo’s smile filled Bokuto with such warmth that he stood up and ran to the boy, hugging him. The warmth that surrounded him this time felt like it always did but, better. 

Kuroo wasn’t pretending, and maybe, just maybe, he never was.   
____________

Bokuto walked to the coffee shop around 4 pm that day. He took his time walking and breathing the fresh scent of summer as he enjoyed each step. 

Kuroo had left an hour before. They had been able to seriously talk about the sob sesh that happened the night before and laugh about it. They made fun of each other and how they were being big babies. 

Sometimes turning something sad into a funny memory makes it easier to accept. 

It was enough that Kuroo was there, he was always Bokuto’s rock in hard times and he always knew exactly what to do and say. 

Bokuto sighed, chuckling to himself, remembering the night before. His eyes glazed over the sidewalk before they flickered over an all too familiar patch of brown hair and blue eyes. The eyes that always seemed to find Bokuto first, crinkled as the boy smiled. Bokuto walked to him and hugged him, placing his arms around Akaashi’s neck and breathing in the scent that belonged to him. 

“It’s been too long.” He sighed into Akaashi’s shoulder. Akaashi nodded, that sentence was enough confirmation that Bokuto didn’t dream last night. 

“I know, it’s time to talk, no more secrets.” He separated from Bokuto and grasped his hand, pulling Bokuto toward his chest. He smiled, staring at the boy. 

It didn’t surprise Akaashi that Bokuto wasn’t dreaming either. It’s a side effect of breaking the rule. 

They entered the coffee shop. The warm smell of bread and coffee beans fluttered around them as they made their way to a small corner table between the wall and the window. They both sat and before they even had time to think, two coffee mugs were placed in front of them. The young woman with curly blonde hair smiled at the boys as she dumped sugar packets and cream cups on the table. They all laughed as she left shouting “Call me over if you need anything!” over her shoulder. 

Bokuto took a sip of the warm bitter liquid in his glass. He shivered in ecstasy as the sharp yet delicious taste hit his tongue. He placed the mug down, watching and absorbing every small detail of Akaashi’s face. 

The way his eyebrows crinkled when he drank the coffee. The way his lips just barely touched the glass as he sipped. 

The way he was so real and just a dream all at the same time. 

“You’re made of stars Akaashi.” Bokuto said, filling the silence and giving words to his mesmerized state. “Stars, stardust, everything that illuminates the sky is you.” He placed his elbows on the table as he propped his chin with his palm. He longingly gathered every small detail he could. 

It was an unconscious action, not wanting to forget anything about this boy who somehow made it into his life. 

No matter if he had 3 seconds or 30 years, he wanted to savor Akaashi forever. 

Akaashi chuckled and stared down at his thumbs, twiddling them. “Bokuto, you’re so incredible sometimes, you know that?” Bokuto laughed and reached over the table, grabbing Akaashi’s slender fingers and soft palm. 

“Oh, it’s me, the owl. Of course I know I’m incredible.” The two laughed and Akaashi jokingly smacked Bokuto’s hand away, warranting some more giggles. 

As the silence quickly became deafening Akaashi cleared his throat. 

“So, no more secrets?” He asked Bokuto as he was sipping from his glass. Bokuto just nodded, the interest was overwhelming. 

“My name is Keiji Akaashi and I don’t belong to this world.” It took everything in Bokuto to not spit out his drink. His eyes widened and he nodded, quickly pushing Akaashi to continue. Akaashi smiled and obeyed. 

“They call beings like me, Guardians. We guard the souls of people who don’t die naturally. This ranges from murders, to unnatural diseases that strip humans of their life span. Like yours.” Akaashi gestured to Bokuto who just nodded, slowly trying to understand exactly what words Akaashi was saying. 

“We are sent to watch over those souls and get them safely to their place of rest once their earthly body is gone. That’s pretty much the overview on Guardians but, I broke some rules coming here when I did.” Akaashi looked away shyly, closing his eyes and sighing deeply. Bokuto reached over, grabbing his hand again. He gave Akaashi a small nod, signalling it was okay to continue. 

“Guardians, who do their job correctly, stay in the field, they stay in dreams. All of us are given a human body in case of emergency but, we aren’t supposed to utilize that body unless it’s extremely vital like, the person who is being guarded, is about to die much earlier by getting hit by a car. It’s our duty to guard. As long as we know their irreversible and unchangeable death date, we are allowed to do whatever it takes to protect them until then. I utilized my body for my own selfish advantages and the price I will be paying is something I don’t want to think about now.” Akaashi finally looked up, connecting to Bokuto’s yellow eyes and tilted his head, insinuating Bokuto to ask any questions. 

“Wow, t-that’s a lot to take in. So you're like….not even a real human? That’s so COOL! HA! WHO KNEW. But, you keep saying your case is different...why?” Bokuto questioned, eyebrows furrowed, trying his best not to freak out and to keep his heart as steady as possible. 

Akaashi nodded. “Right, I'm different because I played the rules a little differently, breaking them in the process. A Guardian isn’t really allowed to just formally show themselves whenever they want, I did. As Guardians of life, we also can sense when death may be close, regardless of the death date that we know, we can sense the stench of death at any point in their person’s life. That day you were in the waiting room and gave me Henry, all those years ago, I smelt the scent of death. I felt too guilty leaving you alone in your fear, so I revealed myself to you then. The only reason I’m here now is because you treated me as a person, a good person, before you even knew me. You handed me your only sense of protection when you were the one who was closest to death. I knew, at such a young age you were different. I was the luckiest Guardian to be able to experience you for all these years.” Akaashi looked away, blushing. Bokuto giggled and stared, mesmerized at the boy. 

Suddenly the air felt thick as the warm eyes Akaashi held turned dark and his head fell forward. 

“The rules that I broke aren’t just forgotten,” He continued, taking his hand away from Bokuto’s grip. “I have to pay the price for living in the human world before I was supposed to.” Bokuto leaned over the table and grabbed Akaashi’s hand again. 

“It’s okay, we can get through it, whatever it is.” He smiled softly but Akaashi’s scowl was solid. 

“I don’t exist once you exit this world.” The sound of Akaashi’s voice was too nonchalant for something so heartbreaking.

“What does that mean.” Bokuto’s eyes were pleading for complete answers. His mind was running, filled with thoughts and solutions to a problem he knew nothing about. 

Akaashi saved him once, would it be too impossible for Bokuto to save him?

If Bokuto wouldn’t be able to love Akaashi for eternity, then this was pointless. Life was nothing without Akaashi. 

“It means that, I only exist when you’re breathing the air of this world, once you die…” Akaashi’s breath hitched in his throat, “Once you die, I still exist, just not where you’re going to go and not where anyone can see me. I become invisible. It’s quite painful which is why we only have one person to watch over for our existence in the case we fall in love and break the rules. I can still see you, even your soul, once it exits your body. I’m tasked to stay by your side until you reach wherever you’re headed. Whether it’s heaven or the city in the clouds, I am not allowed to follow. I bring you there and then I wait. You’ll feel a pull to the place you’re going, as most souls do, but you won’t be able to see, touch or hear me as I'm bringing you there. No one knows what happens to Guardians who break rules. ” 

Akaashi’s eyes met Bokuto’s bright ones that turned dim as the reality of his job finally hit. Bokuto’s heart started beating so loudly he thought everyone in the restaurant would be able to hear. He clutched his chest and took a few deep breaths. The look of concern on Akaashi’s face said it all, Bokuto was not looking good. He finally got his breathing under control as he had practiced many years before. He lifted his head and stared into the deep eyes of the boy who used to reside in his dreams but now lived in his heart. Bokuto took Akaashi’s hand in his. 

“Akaashi, that’s impossible. I don’t care what your rules are. You’re here now and that’s how it’s going to stay. There's no way that you’re left all alone, invisible to everyone. I won’t accept it.” Bokuto murmured and his gaze flickered over Akaashi, studying his sharp features and his beautiful hair. 

“But, you don't have to worry about being alone anyway, I’m living longer than the universe.” Bokuto chuckled giving Akaashi an adorably goofy smirk. They both laughed, pushing away the rising tension to just experience each other for as long as they could. The pounding in Akaashi’s head only got louder as he realized what was going to happen. It was too soon, it couldn’t happen now. 

The uneasiness never left throughout the date and walk home.   
__________

As Akaashi was getting ready for bed after his date with Bokuto, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He smiled thinking it was Bokuto texting that he had got home safely. He quickly pulled the phone out and opened the message. 

There was nothing that could have prepared Akaashi for the text he was about to read. his heart dropped. He dropped his phone on the rough wooden floor and turned, grabbing his shoes, and sprinting out the door. 

Bokuto was sent to the hospital

The stars felt dim that night.


	11. Broken Heart Syndrome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY IT'S BEEN SO LONG! AGH anyway....this is the final chapter before the epilogue....
> 
> don't cry too hard.

Dry coughs filled the room as Akaashi sat in the dark, staring at Bokuto as he struggled to find peace in his sleep. 

Bokuto’s parents were on the other side of the door, giving Bokuto some space as Akaashi slipped in while they weren’t looking. 

Akaashi’s eyes filled with tears as he watched the boy struggle. Bokuto was cuddled under the silk sheets of the hospital bed, an IV drip in his arm and a breathing tube in his nose. He looked so weak. Akaashi’s head pounded and the cold scent of death filtered in. 

He silently cried, trying not to disturb Bokuto as he continued to find sleep. 

The night after their date, Bokuto went to his house, overwhelmed and nervous about everything he was told. He felt disgusting, the stench of death always followed him.

He knew, no matter what, staying alive was vital. 

Through the turmoil in his head, his lungs began to empty, he started breathing heavier. He lost control of himself and started to black out. No one was there because his parents were working and he didn’t think anything bad of it. He thought it was going to be like the other blackouts.

It wasn’t even fair how fast his heart stopped.

The device in his heart kickstarted the beating but it was already way too late. He was gasping for air, trying so hard to reach his phone to call 911.

His parents found him, lying unconscious in the middle of his room, reaching, inches from his phone.

Akaashi watched and waited, flinching every time Bokuto gasped yet, fearing when he stayed silent.

“B-Bokuto?” Akaashi whispered in the dark. The boy in the bed slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. The moonlight made him look pale and empty, a shell of the energetic owl he used to be. Bokuto’s eyes widened and he tried to get up, but the pain in his heart kept him from moving farther than sitting. He swore under his breath, laying back and placing his hands over his eyes. 

“A-Akaashi? What are you doing here? I-I don’t want you to see this.” Bokuto complained, his thick voice cut through the air. Akaashi smiled slightly, he’d rather hear him talk than hear him cough. 

Akaashi walked toward the bed, dragging his feet and twiddling his thumbs. He didn’t know exactly how to react to Bokuto in this state. He was always good at comforting in dreams, it was his home, he was comfortable there but, here, he felt the fear take over his thoughts. He was speechless as he pulled a chair and sat next to the boy he so loved. He silently grabbed Bokuto’s arm and drew circles on it with his fingers. Bokuto stared at him and rolled his eyes, smiling. He reached his other hand across his body to Akaashi’s face, cradling his cheek in his palm. Akaashi suddenly burst into tears. 

“I know. I’m scared too.” Bokuto whispered, rubbing his thumb over the tears that were rolling down Akaashi’s face. 

Akaashi stared at the boy who was dying, mesmerized. 

The one who was slowly losing his life, slowly separating from the world he knew, had a smile on his face as he admitted defeat. 

What a beautifully complex boy he fell in love with. 

Akaashi nodded and leaned in, kissing Bokuto softly on his cheek. Bokuto turned to him and tilted his head, bringing his hand to his lips. He raised his eyebrow and pouted. 

“Akaashi, we talked about this, it’s not that hard to miss!” Bokuto giggled and Akaashi grabbed Bokuto’s cheeks. He stared into eyes filled with sunshine and stardust, absorbing every detail of his face. Bokuto closed his eyes and smiled, humming a tune Akaashi was unfamiliar with. The low rumble of his voice filled Akaashi with such warmth.

“What’s that song?” Akaashi questioned, still holding Bokuto’s face. Bokuto opened his eyes and smiled. 

“It’s a song Kenma showed me. It was extremely special to him and whenever I’m afraid I always sing it too.” Bokuto whispered, kissing Akaashi’s cheek and motioning for the boy to get in the bed. Akaashi did as he was instructed and Bokuto put the boy's head in the crook of his neck, he placed his own head on top, singing softly. 

~Did I drive you away?  
I know what you'll say  
You say, "Oh, sing one you know"  
But I promise you this, I’ll always look out for you,   
Yeah that’s what I’ll do~

Akaashi’s tears flowed as he listened to each word that Bokuto sang. His warm, raspy voice echoed in Akaashi’s mind as he drifted off to sleep. Bokuto’s voice began to drift away as was Akaashi. He was about to finally fall asleep but he slowed his breathing and moved his head down to Bokuto’s chest, hugging the boy tightly. Akaashi’s eyes shot open. His breathing became ragged as he listened. 

Bokuto.

His heart wasn’t beating. 

Akaashi quickly sat up and looked at the boy, pressing the “call nurse” button next to his bed. The boy in front of him no longer looked like Bokuto, no, the boy in front of him was nothing but, an aura of black and the freezing, disgusting smell of death. 

Akaashi silently backed up as the nurses came flying in. His eyes never left the boy who was lifeless in front of him. 

“He’s going to be ok, he has to be.” 

“Not yet, he said he was living longer than the universe, please, he promised..” 

Akaashi’s thoughts were yelling as he silently sat in the back of the room, staring at the one he loved. His eyes never blinked as he watched the nurses move around him under the pale moonlight.

They bustled around the boy, ripping his shirt open and placing defibrillators there. His body jerked as the machine tried to restart his heart. 

“PLEASE” 

Akaashi’s mind was screaming now, but his body could do nothing but tremble and stare.   
Akaashi’s eyes wandered for a second as he noticed the parents of the boy he loved. They were standing in the doorway, eyes wide and mouths open. His mom slowly fell to her knees, sobbing into the ground as his dad stood, staring at his son. 

“BOKUTO! P-PULL THROUGH, BUDDY! D-D-DON’T LET IT GET YOU NOW, YOU HAVEN’T TAUGHT ME HOW TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL Y-Y-ET!” Bokuto’s dad yelled, trying to stay steady on his feet, he held the door frame. His eyes began to fill with tears. Akaashi stared at the family, the family he hadn’t known yet, the one he may never get to know at this rate. The family who held so much love for their son. 

Everyone watched as the loud, long beep of the heart monitor continued it’s eerie tone.   
Akaashi wanted so badly to look away but he couldn’t. There was no way this was going to be his last and final moments with Bokuto. 

Akaashi’s eyes widened and he looked at himself. He would know that Bokuto was seriously….gone….if his body disappeared. 

Akaashi was still here which meant Bokuto was still fighting strong .

After a few more jerks, Bokuto’s body kickstarted and he gasped sitting up and coughing. The nurses shoved a breathing assistant on his nose and mouth as he continued to catch his breath. Tears were coming down Bokuto’s face as he registered where he was and what was happening. 

His body was shaking, his eyes were sobbing and the pure white of his hospital sheets soon turned red as he pulled the mask off and coughed up blood onto them. The nurses quickly wiped his mouth and put the mask back on as Bokuto’s body fell silent again. His eyes were lidded and he could barely seem to sit up straight. 

His parents ran to him but, Akaashi stayed, shadowed in the dark. 

Watching. 

He slowly broke the direction of his eyes, turning toward the window. There seemed to be some stars poking through the clouds. Akaashi smiled and started to finally sob. 

He counted every star he could see in the sky from the small hospital room. 

He counted and he knew that if Bokuto were conscious, he’d be counting too. 

______________

Akaashi hadn’t left the hospital room since that day. 

It had been two weeks. 

He developed a strong relationship with Bokuto’s mother in that time frame, admiring how much she adored the boy he so adored. It was always wonderful being able to share the love one felt for someone with another who felt the same. 

Bokuto’s dad was equally as nice and adoring but, he had to work overtime so that his wife could be with Bokuto as much as she could. 

Bokuto took the days, seconds at a time, trying to get enough strength to sit up and talk to us. It was pretty difficult. Any sort of strenuous movement could cause a disruption in the device and completely make it stop. 

With all that anxiety, Bokuto’s condition was slowly worsening. 

The doctor broke the news to us earlier this morning, he was on the track that many people with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy get on and never get off. They pass the station and head straight into the abyss. 

Bokuto’s mom sobbed and called her husband straight away, walking down the hallway, holding on to the wall for support. Akaashi could not move. He was stuck in the past. 

He remembered the day he was given Henry, the day he fell in love with Bokuto, the day he realized that Bokuto was going to die so he needed to break the rules. 

His life didn’t matter without Bokuto, so it wasn’t a big deal to sacrifice his own place and rules as a Guardian. 

After all, he was supposed to guard, protect, save, love. 

“B-Bokuto.” Akaashi was pulled back to reality as three familiar faces stood in the doorway. The three boys had tear-stained faces and red eyes, they probably saw Bokuto’s mom on the way in here.

Akaashi sat up as Kuroo, Tsukishima and Hinata walked into the small room. The sun brightened up the room as did Bokuto when he slowly opened his eyes and turned toward the open door. 

He tried to sit up but Akaashi, held him where he was, rubbing his shoulder. Bokuto seemed to tense and then relaxed under his touch. Akaashi nodded at the boys motioning for them to enter. 

Bokuto slowly groaned and blinked his eyes, widening them at the boys, the ghost of a smile appeared on his thin whtie lips. Kuroo came to the edge of the bed first, kneeling down. He grabbed Bokuto’s hand and squeezed it. 

Tsukishima followed, grabbing a chair and placing it beside Kuroo, hanging his head as tears flowed down his face. 

The red haired flame stood in the open doorway. His mouth was wide open and his eyes were filled with tears. He slowly shook his head as he stumbled into the room. He coughed slightly before having enough stability to walk toward the bed. 

The silence in the hospital room was deafening. 

The boys hadn’t realized it until then but, without Bokuto screaming about whatever he was that day, the world was quiet. 

The quiet soon turned sour as Kuroo stood, knocking Hinata back. 

“Why, why are we so quiet?” Kuroo grabbed the two boys next to him and hugged them tightly, chuckling under his breath. He met eyes with Akaashi. 

“Can you guys give me a little privacy with my man? I need to tell him a secret!” He winked. Akaashi tilted his head but followed the two others out of the room. 

As Kuroo closed the door, Bokuto coughed and gasped. 

“Let it out buddy, I know you’re trying to seem all strong but, you’re much weaker when you hold it in.” Kuroo sighed, leaning his back against the bed as he sat on the cold floor. 

“H-how did you know?” Bokuto groaned between coughs.

Kuroo snickered softly, “What best friend would I be if I didn’t know, huh? Besides, I could see it in your eyes. You’re strong enough to talk and sit up yet, you’re playing the quiet card.” Kuroo sighed. He knew exactly why Bokuto was staying quiet, acting as though he shouldn’t talk. 

Bokuto hung his head, wiping his mouth. He knew Kuroo understood why he was being silent around the people he loved. It was so obvious and elementary, that it shocked him Akaashi hadn’t caught on yet. 

His emotions suddenly burst out of him like a flood. 

“Kuroo, Kuroo, I-I don’t want to say goodbye. Goodbye means it’s over, I don’t want to die. I don’t. I-I’m finally living, please. W-what do I do?.” Bokuto sobbed quietly as Kuroo sat and listened. 

The boy made of steel finally broke. 

There was no turning back now, the end was coming faster than any train. 

Bokuto had to start packing his bags. 

_______________

It had been 3 days since Kuroo had come to visit. 

Bokuto was silently sleeping in the hospital bed as Akaashi always watched. He never took even a second of sleep, it wasn’t worth losing a moment of Bokuto. 

Akaashi shook his head and rubbed his eyes. While Kuroo kept Bokuto company during the days, Akaashi would head home and try with all of his might to come up with a way to say goodbye. 

He never thought that the day would come where he would disappear, where the love he felt so deeply would shatter and no longer exist in this world. 

As Akaashi sat down to write as much of his feelings as he could on paper he wondered, was there a way that when his existence was finally over, he could go to where Bokuto is headed?

The question lingered, unanswered as all complex questions were. 

_____________

The days moved on and Kuroo continued visiting Bokuto every single time he coud. 

“Hey, Bokuto,” Kuroo walked into the hospital room at exactly 1:15 pm as he did. He was allowed to leave his school around that time to get lunch and decided to share it with Bokuto as much as he could. 

This day, though, was different because he was sent here for a specific reason. 

“I want to make this fast because, I’d rather you not open it now.” Kuroo handed Bokuto a small envelope. 

“Akaashi told me everything, every single part.” 

Bokuto’s eyes widened and he gasped, wincing in the process. Kuroo noticed this and ran to Bokuto’s side, rubbing his arm. 

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m happy and I just want you to be happy. I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me, I know why it was a secret now. You're my best friend, I’m not wasting time being angry at you for no justified reason.” Kuroo smiled his classic smile and Bokuto watched the boy he grew up with. The one who taught him to keep living. 

“Thank you Kuroo, for everything.” 

“Don’t thank me Bo, you’re the one who saved me.” 

The boys sat and talked, laughing at the memories they shared as they sat in the shining sunlight. 

Kuroo couldn’t help but see Kenma sitting in that hospital bed every time he saw Bokuto. 

It hurt so much knowing that he wasn’t able to save either of them.   
__________

Bokuto suffered from blackouts more often and the ones he had to fight through were much harsher than they usually were. 

It felt like instead of his body trying so hard to keep his heart beating, is was trying so hard to keep it from beating. 

Death was so close every time Bokuto took a breath. 

As the nurses and doctor left after one of his especially challenging blackouts, Bokuto sat in silence. He regained his breath and slowly reached toward the drawer next to his hospital bed.   
He pulled out the small white envelope. Before opening it, he looked around. 

Strange, Akaashi wasn’t here today. 

Bokuto lazily lifted his arm, switching the lamp next to his bed on, never taking his eyes off the letter in his hand. 

His eyes started to fill with tears as he saw Akaashi’s beautiful, delicate, handwriting. 

Dear Bokuto, My Bokuto. 

There are no words in this world to describe how I feel and there is too little time to express everything I want to say. I wish I knew what to say but, I never did. You did. You always knew what I was thinking, what was on my mind which was strange to me because I was always in your mind yet, never knew you the way you knew me. 

Bokuto I loved every second of the life we made together. I loved every memory that you created and every moment I was lucky enough to experience with you. God, you are everything that I needed and loved. Every small detail of your face, every golden shard that radiated from your eyes the second the sun shined on them, every single moment, every single memory, is beautiful and bright because you were a part of them. 

You told me I was the one made of stars but really, it’s you Bokuto. 

You aren’t just made of them, you create them.

I’ve realized this while writing about you, all of you. The stars in your eyes when you watch sunsets, the stars in your smile when you laugh, the stars that you leave behind in people’s lives. I saw the way your family watched you play and experience life with you, the stars never left their eyes. I saw the way Kuroo and Tsukkishima’s eyes held light when you all went to the movies or to practice or wherever. I saw the way Hinata’s eyes shined brighter than anyone else’s as he watched you do even the most normal of tasks. They were lucky enough to have you the way they did. They were all so lucky but, the luckiest person of all was me. 

Because I got to love the boy who loves the world. 

I got to know the boy who was so complexly driven to protect and to devote that, I needed to break my rules and meet you face to face. 

I was lost, so lost. In the endless abyss, void of all light. 

Then an angel found me. 

Bokuto, you found me, you are light. 

I’m just someone who was able to sit back and witness the spread of it. One day, I hope to be there with you, where you’re headed.

But until then, know I’m satisfied, counting the stars until I can count yours again. 

This isn’t the end, I’ll find a way to get to you. 

I love you Koutarou Bokuto, forever and always. 

Never forget to count the stars.

With all my love, 

Keiji Akaashi

___________________

That night, Bokuto’s condition worsened, to the point of death. 

He couldn’t leave without explaining everything to Akaashi. He needed more time, 

but, time was never on the side of the dying. 

Nurses and doctors scrambled around the boy as he knew it was his time. 

He hadn’t realized all his friends, the people he loved, were around him until he finally was able to breath. His breath felt forced and staggered within his lungs but he pushed through.

He knew now was the time goodbye was necessary. 

Bokuto’s mind was full, only filled with the memories and moments he shared with everyone around him. Bokuto looked around the room at every person he’d ever loved. Tsuki, Kuroo, Hinata, his teammates, his family, everyone. Everyone who he left an impact on, everyone he left light with. 

“I-I love you all.” Bokuto coughed out as everyone kneeled beside him and held his hands repeating back the same words he spoke to them. 

“Bokuto, one day, we’ll see you buddy. Wherever you go.” Tsukishima squeezed his hand and Hinata nodded in agreement, tears flooding their faces. 

“You’ll always be our miracle baby.” Bokuto’s mother bawled, caressing his cheek and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“Son, I-I, I’m glad I was able to love you. You made us all proud.” Bokuto’s dad held his wife tightly, ruffling Bokuto’s hair and squeezing his shoulder. 

Hinata broke down and threw himself at the boy. 

“Bokuto I-I don’t know what to do, who’s going to teach me to be the best volleyball player in the world. Who’s going to-,” His orange hair was pressed into Bokuto’s neck as he chuckled.

“Hinata, you’re already the best volleyball player.” Hinata’s head shot up and his eyes widened. Bokuto smiled and poked his heart.

“You love it, don’t you? You’re never bad at something you love, Hinata. Keep smiling, keep playing and keep living.” Bokuto looked out to the room of people one last time and repeated the last two words.

“Keep living.” 

Kuroo shuffled behind Hinata, slowly pulling the sobbing boy off of Bokuto. Kuroo stood over Bokuto, tears falling on his soft pale skin. 

“Say hello to Kenma for me, ok?” Kuroo’s face contorted into one of the most heartbreaking faces Bokuto had ever seen him make. 

He’s lost too many people. 

“I’m sorry Kuroo, I don’t mean to die so early.” Bokuto thought. 

Kuroo hugged him tightly, both boy’s shirts were damp with tears as they continued to stay as long as possible in each other's company. 

As he embraced and cried, Bokuto’s eyes found Akaashi’s dark ones in the shadows of the hospital room that were full of tears. He knew it was vital to not be near others as he would be vanishing as soon as Bokuto was but, he was still here, so real to Bokuto. His eyes lingered on Akaashi’s as memories of the two of them flickered through his mind. 

While everyone was crying and holding his hands he smiled one last time for the quiet brown-haired boy from his dreams.

With his dying breath came the very last words he ever spoke. 

“I’ll be waiting for you, in the stars.”

After all those days loving and hurting, his life, his world, his heart stopped for the last time.

All was quiet, and the stars seemed to hush in remembrance of the boy who gave them light on Earth.

As Bokuto’s body lay limp in the bed, the world slowed. 

Everyone’s faces contorted and they reached for the boy, crying, sobbing, screaming, missing, loving. 

Hinata and Tsukishima stood behind Bokuto’s parents, rubbing their backs and crying on their shoulders.

The air was so thin as everyone felt what it was like to struggle for air. 

Akaashi watched as the boy he so loved, the boy who gave him a reason to push forward, the boy who taught him the meaning of soulmates, left this world.

He was missing the light he brought to the world, it was gone, along with his life.

Akaashi closed his eyes and felt a tingly sensation all through his body. He knew, he knew that this was the last moment in his sad life he would be seen. 

The only eyes that were on Akaashi were Kuroo’s, as Akaashi started to notice his body disappearing beneath him. Kuroo’s eyes filled with tears and he watched until Akaashi was gone. 

Kuroo broke, falling toward the ground, banging his fists down and screaming out. 

Kuroo did not know but, behind him, were two invisible people, cradling him in their grip, trying so desperately for him to hear. 

“Akaashi, I know you’re here, This is insane, woah…” Bokuto turned around and spun, jumping up and down. “I-I-I’m f-free.” Bokuto said as his translucent body sighed and looked up to the night sky. He hugged Kuroo, squeezed his shoulders and he stood, breathing deep breaths. 

Akaashi shook his head and reached for Bokuto’s hand. He was able to touch him for a split second as his hand disappeared through Bokuto’s wrist. 

Akaashi’s eyes were already filled with tears before but, the moment he could no longer touch Bokuto, he felt the most immense pain. 

“A-Akaashi, it’s okay.” Bokuto said to the air. His eyes were bright again as he ran around the room, hugging his friends and family, whispering sweet goodbye’s and “I love you’s”. Akaashi watched in silence. He felt speechless, no words would come out of his mouth until one small boy met his eyes. 

Hinata turned toward where Bokuto was planted next to Akaashi and his eyes widened. He stared straight through Bokuto to the window behind him, muttering three small words. 

“Look, it’s raining.”

Bokuto stared at Hinata who, through his tears, nodded and smiled.

“He’s happy now, I know he is. He’s found his rain.” Hinata said, clutching Kageyama’s hand.

The others moved toward the window to watch the rain, to where Bokuto had moved, to do the same.

For one last time, he felt the love of those he loved surround him. 

Akaashi nudged himself into Bokuto pulling his arm. 

“I-I know, time to go.” Bokuto sighed, breathing and watching his loved ones. 

He walked toward the open door before laying a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder as Kuroo did not move with the rest of the group. 

“I’ll take care of Kenma until you see us again.” 

Kuroo turned and looked straight to the empty space that Bokuto was in, he smiled and nodded.   
Bokuto walked into the hall, without turning back. 

They walked together, Bokuto chatting to an invisible Akaashi as to what he loved and lived and wished he could have done. 

“I can’t wait until the boys see what I left them, thank Kuroo for setting everything up for me okay?” Bokuto chuckled and Akaashi tilted his head in confusion. Best to let it go, Bokuto wouldn’t be able to hear Akaashi’s question anyway.

“You know, I guess you’ll find out sooner or later but, I wanted to marry you Keiji…” Akaashi stopped in his tracks as Bokuto continued out the front entrance. 

“Let’s hope I’ll see you again, wherever I go, so we can make that happen.” Bokuto turned back and smiled. 

“I love you Keiji Akaashi.” 

One second Bokuto was in front of Akaashi smiling and the next, he was gone, brought to the other world that Akaashi could not seem to reach. 

All that was left in his place was a small volleyball pin that clattered to the ground. 

Akaashi shook his head and walked toward the pin, kneeling down to feel the cool metal grace his fingertips. 

His eyes filled with tears and he silently understood why Bokuto left it.   
______________

The boys and visitors left the room one at a time. The sadness was too much to bear so they all returned back to their houses and closed their doors. 

Despair was evident as the rain continued to pound their windows. 

The boys separated once they walked outside, leaving Kuroo in the empty room. He told them he wasn’t going to leave yet. 

Hinata walked to his house, taking the long way as Bokuto would, feeling the rain mix with his tears. 

He couldn’t bear to live this life without Bokuto, it hurt too much.

Hinata sobbed once he opened the door, his little sister came out of her room, head bowed and ran to her brother hugging him. His parents weren’t far behind. 

“I MISS HIM S-SO MUCH!” Hinata screamed from the floor, voice muffled by his dad’s shirt. 

They sat there for what felt like hours before Hinata had no tears left to cry, his eyes were empty, as was his heart. 

He got up from the floor and walked to his room closing the door behind him. 

He slowly turned to his bed but, before he plopped down, his eyes widened and he fell to his knees. 

Displayed on his bed was Bokuto’s Fukurodani Jersey, the Captain’s jersey that belonged to the ace. Next to it was a small envelope. 

Hinata grabbed it and ripped it open, his eyes already filling with the tears that were gone not only moments ago. 

Hinata, 

What’s up, shrimp? If you’re reading this, it means I’m probably not here anymore but, hey, you know, I’m always with you. Whenever you see the rain, or the stars or anything, think of me. I’m always here, bud. After all, you’re the one who helped me keep pushing, you’re the one who gave me hope that I seemed to be missing. 

Hinata, you kept me alive to the end and I’m forever grateful. 

You’re probably wondering why you have my jersey. Well, if you’re going to learn to be the little giant, you have to start somewhere. 

That’s your inspiration. If I could do it, be the ace, with like half a lung, you can do anything. 

Can’t wait to watch you dominate from the stars. 

Keep pushing kiddo.

I love you Shoyo! 

See you one day.

Bokuto.

That night Hinata went to bed in Bokuto’s jersey, feeling closer to the memories he held dear and counting the stars until he drifted off to sleep.

______________

Tsukishima walked home to an empty house. His brother was away on business and his parents were rarely home anyway, so he was stuck dealing with this severe loss on his own. 

He walked straight to his room, the feeling of being numb took over his entire body and he barely was able to make it before crashing down on the hard floor, holding his knees to his stomach. 

“Why….why….WHY BOKUTO WHY. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU!” He screamed. His glasses flung off his face into the darkness of his room. Tsukishima crawled towards them and put them on but, before he could move he noticed a pair of headphones and what looked like to be...Bokuto’s phone. Tsukishima slowly stood and walked toward the headphones. The phone was open on a voice memo. 

He put the headphones on and pressed play.

“Heyyy Tsuki-duuudee! I didn’t really feel like writing you a letter because you don’t read, but I wanted to reach you somehow so, here I am! Your own personal Bokuto here for you! If you’re listening to this….it probably means I’m gone. I’m sorry Tsuki. I don’t want to leave, trust me, if I could spike over you for the rest of my life I would.”

Bokuto chuckled on the phone and Tsukishima couldn’t help but hold the phone closer to his heart. 

“Let me get to the point though, I know that you hide your feelings, I found that out the day you confronted me at camp. So, I created this. On this phone is nothing but memories for you. I had Kuroo wipe it about a month ago because I wasn’t going to need it. We took a ton of videos and voice memos in that time slot, to keep you going. Watch them and listen to them whenever you want. It’s just one of the many reminders that I’m always here. See you soon Tsukishima. You’re incredible, never change. I love you! Signing off, Bokuto.”

Tsukishima fell asleep to the sweet sound of Bokuto laughing about some funny memories they experienced together.  
_____________________

Kuroo was the last one to leave the room. 

His heart was, somewhere else, his sanity was completely broken and he couldn’t handle walking on his shaky feet. 

He slowly got up and sat on the chair where he sat a few days ago, helping Bokuto work on his little project for the boys. 

He was so kind, to the very end, leaving his most precious things to his most precious people. Kuroo’s eyes moved from the bed to the side table where a small envelope was poking out from the drawer. Kuroo’s eyes widened and tears started to overflow. 

Bokuto had mentioned he wasn’t going to write Kuroo a letter because the letters he wrote to Hinata and his family were all Kuroo’s handwriting, jotting down what Bokuto told him to. 

To be so precise in writing a letter to the extent he wanted to, would cause so much pain to him, so Kuroo volunteered.

Kuroo pulled the envelope out from the drawer and flipped it over.

In scrawled writing was the name “Kuroo” written on the front. 

Kuroo shook his head. 

“You’re crazy Bo,” He spoke into the silence. 

He opened the letter and his heart started to beat faster in anticipation. 

The handwriting of the letter seemed to be even worse than Kuroo had expected. He must have been in so much pain writing this, it was clearly evident from the unfinished words. 

Kuroo,

My best friend. I’m so sorry. I wish that I stayed longer, I wish I didn’t hurt u lik this. U deserv the world Tetsu. I promis that when i see Kenma, I’ll make sure he knows how much u miss him and lov him. One day we’ll be together again, I know it. 

I wish I could write more but it's hard. It hurt. Know I love you so much Ku.

So, so, so much.

Forever and always,

Bo.

Inside the envelope was a small, metallic, volleyball pin. Kuroo’s eyes widened and he screamed out, recognising this pin. 

**************  
“C-can you pass me that bag of chips?” A small boy with black hair pulled on the sleeve of another taller boy as he was walking around the snack shack. The boy turned and looked down, smiling. 

“Sure, what’s your name!” He said, reaching to the chips and handing them to the boy. 

“I’m K-Kenma, thank you.” The small boy smiled shyly and opened the bag. 

“I’m Kuroo, it’s nice to meet you!” Kuroo grabbed Kenma’s hand and shook it vigorously. 

Kenma was startled but finally let his guard down and laughed at Kuroo. 

“You’re crazy, I like you.” Kenma said between laughs. He turned away but, before he could get far, Kuroo noticed a small pin on his backpack. 

“HEY, wait! Do you play volleyball?” Kuroo said, pointing to the pin. 

Kenma turned back and his face lit up. “Yeah! Do you?”

“Yes, let’s go play!” Kuroo said, running straight ahead, grabbing Kenma’s arm and sprinting to the volleyball nets at camp. 

Kenma’s laughter filled the air and everyone stared. 

The boy who was silent, laughed, and it was all thanks to Kuroo. 

***************

“No wonder we were soulmates huh, Kenma.” Kuroo whispered to the air. He felt Bokuto and Kenma with him at that moment. The two boys he loved the most, gone but, never forgotten. 

Kuroo flipped the pin over in his hand as he noticed a small piece of paper taped to the back. 

“K-Kenma…” 

On the back was a silent message but Kuroo heard Kenma saying it so clearly.

“I love you, Kuroo, never forget that.”   
-Kenma. 

__________

The boys whom Bokuto left an impact on silently slept under a sky full of stars. The rain clouds opened up and above them was a cacophony of hazy stars watching over the boys as they remembered the most amazing of times with their best friend. 

Bokuto’s room was empty to the human eye but someone was there, sitting in silence, crying and screaming to no avail. 

Akaashi felt so strange, sitting in Bokuto’s room, without him there. He heard the front door open and close as muffled voices talked. Akaashi paid no attention until the door to Bokuto’s room opened and Kuroo entered, with the pin on his shirt. Akaashi smiled and watched as the boy sat on the bed. 

“I know you’re here.” Kuroo said, breaking the silence. Akaashi lifted his head and moved next to Kuroo. He was invisible but Kuroo knew he was among the silence of the air. 

“Bokuto told me to find you after he’d p-passed.” Kuroo choked, as the memories resurfaced. He coughed a couple times and regained his composure.

“He left you something.” 

Akaashi’s eyes filled with tears at the mention of Bokuto and the prospect of something he left for Akaashi specifically. 

Kuroo pulled out a small envelope from his pocket, placing it on the bed. 

“He wanted you to have this.” Kuroo got up, walking to the door. Akaashi was frozen in his sitting position on the bed. Wanting so desperately to call out to Kuroo but, he wouldn’t hear. 

“You know,” He sighed, without turning back to the room that was void of Bokuto but filled with memories.

“You were everything to Bokuto I couldn’t be. Thank you for giving him the love he deserved, even if it was for a short time..” Kuroo sniffled, reaching for the doorknob. 

“ Keiji Akaashi, I hope we all get to see you again some day.” With those final words, Kuroo slipped out of Bokuto’s room, leaving the laughter and keeping the tears. 

Akaashi stared at the closed door and then moved his eyes to the envelope. He cautiously approached it as he recognized Kuroo’s neat hand writing on the front. 

“For Akaashi :)”

Akaashi could not stop the tears from flowing. He shook his head and took the envelope, leaning back in Bokuto’s bed. 

“Well, what are you waiting for… open it!” Bokuto said next to him. 

“I-I’m scared.” Akaashi replied to the imaginary Bokuto. Bokuto shook his head. 

“If you want, I’ll read it out loud for you!” Bokuto took the letter from Akaashi’s hands and slowly opened it. 

Bokuto suddenly started to cry. 

“I-I’m sorry Akaashi, you have to do this part on your own.” With those words, Bokuto vanished like Akaashi used to do every night when they dreamt together. 

“I know Bokuto, I know.” 

Akaashi carefully grabbed the letter and opened in, slipping out the piece of paper that was inside.

Dear my starboy, 

Hi, Akaashi. It’s me, Bokuto. If you’re reading this then that means, I’m already gone. Don’t you dare start crying yet, I need you to do something first. Go outside and look at the stars. If there are none out, keep searching. There will always be one star that shines brighter than the others, that’s mine. I want to be the brightest so you won’t feel alone. 

I’m sorry I left, Akaashi. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I wanted to marry you, have a family with you, and even argue with you. Eternity we had but, I was already on death’s door when you came into my life. I’m not really sure why I was never afraid but, I can’t help but remember something Hinata used to say to me. 

One second huddled in fear is a second closer to the next time you won’t be afraid. 

I hope you’re not afraid. Don’t be. I know I’m going to see you again, so I was never afraid to let go of this world. 

As much as I loved this world Akaashi, I always hated it because you weren’t in it. But, then you were, and I loved everything that I saw. Everything that I had the privilege to experience became so much better just because you were with me to experience it too. I thought the world was rewarding me for taking one for the team and living with my disease. I hope you know, it was all worth it. 

I do not care about how much pain I endured it was all worth it. 

I had you, I still have you, I got to love you, I got to hug you, I got to kiss you. 

That was enough. All I wanted, my whole life was someone who truly understood me and you did. You first found me in my thoughts. You knew my dreams, my goals, my likes and dislikes. You knew everything there was to know about me. 

My heart rarely beat but, when it did, it was for you and you only.

How lucky was I, Akaashi? 

So fucking lucky. 

I don’t regret anything and I never will. 

You made my life so wonderful, you are stars personified. You are everything Akaashi. 

I love you, after I die and forevermore. I LOVE YOU! I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you….

I would scream it until my throat goes raw, write it until my hands go numb, so everyone can know, you’re the love of my life. My soulmate.

My starboy. 

I’ll see you soon my love. 

With all the love you gave me and then some, 

Bokuto :)

______________

Akaashi read the letter several more times before falling asleep in the bed of his true love. His eyes were dry and he was dehydrated but sleep called to him.

Before Akaashi drifted off to sleep, he could swear he heard Bokuto’s laughter amongst the stars.


	12. Epilogue

“You may now kiss your husband!”

The small outdoor wedding burst into laughs and whoops as Hinata and Kageyama linked hands and kissed. They both walked down the aisle, skipping and jumping toward the others. 

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were sitting a few rows back, clapping, with their daughter as Daichi and Suga were screaming with their son on Daichi’s shoulders next to them. 

“THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND!” Yachi screamed from behind Daichi as Nishinoya and Tanaka tackled each other to get a better look at their best friends. Kiyoko and Asahi just chuckled at their rambunctious partners and continued to clap for the happy couple. 

Before Hinata got too far down the aisle, he stopped and ran back to the front. 

Kuroo was standing with his arms open in the front row that was empty save for him. 

“I’m so proud of you, and I know Bo is watching from the sky.” Kuroo whispered into Hinata’s neck as they hugged. Hinata squeezed tighter and nodded into Kuroo’s neck. 

“I know he is.” 

One lone person stood at the back of the entrance, watching as Hinata and Kageyama walked right by him, sparing no glances. 

It’s obvious why, Akaashi was invisible as always. 

As people started to filter out toward the reception party, Akaashi made his way to the front, to where Kuroo was still planted. He walked and stared at the front, the beautiful flower arch, the rings, the minister, everything. Akaashi had watched all of Bokuto’s friends get married, and yearned for the day he could just see the boy again. 

It had been 5 years since Bokuto’s passing, and the pain never left. 

Akaashi’s thoughts were broken as Kuroo plopped down on the small bench. 

A person who Akaashi had never met, someone who had a mask on and black curly hair walked up to Kuroo. Kuroo smiled and shook his hand, asking how the man, now named Sakusa, was. 

Sakusa turned and before sitting down, avoided three small sections of the bench that had been reserved. 

“Kuroo, who are these for?” Sakusa asked, moving his hand over the empty spaces. 

“Those are for three special people who died young, one of which was my soulmate, the only man I’ll ever love. And the other two, well, they were in love as well but, his disease ended up ruining their perfect love story. He was my best friend, I miss them all dearly.” Kuroo ended as Akaashi silently dropped to his knees. 

He never noticed, wedding, after wedding, after wedding, they always had a seat reserved for him, Bokuto and Kenma. 

Kuroo turned and looked straight at the empty space that was Akaashi.

“I know for sure one of them is here with us now, he always comes, he’s hard to see but so easy to know.” Kuroo smiled and for a brief moment, Akaashi met eyes with him.

“After all this time Kuroo….” Akaashi whispered into the silence as the two men retreated down the aisle to the reception party, leaving Akaashi with the empty seats of the three lives that were lost but the memories that were never forgotten.   
_______________

As Akaashi watched from the sidelines, Bokuto’s friends all led incredible lives. 

Tsukishima worked as a teacher in the school that Yamaguchi funded through his management job. Coincidentally, Kageyama and Hinata made the National Japanese Volleyball team, which Yamaguchi managed. 

Even after all this time, they stayed connected in the most interesting of ways. 

Kuroo became a scientist that specializes in disease and medicinal research. He was an incredibly smart worker and found many breakthroughs in both Cancer and Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. 

He saved a lot of lives through the regret of losing the ones he couldn’t. 

Kuroo, with the money he was making, bought the old camp where Bokuto, Kuroo and Kenma all met. He renamed it “Camp Starboy” and recreated the camp to its former glorious self. He made sure that it was handicap accessible as it was a camp for all kids, regardless of disease, disability, or illness, everyone was welcome. 

Kuroo enjoyed managing the camp as well as continuing to research and create new medicines to soothe pain. 

The best part of their week, though, was something they all did together. 

Every Friday at about 7:30 pm. Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Hinata, Kageyama, and Kuroo all met and ordered take out. They then took the take out to the cemetery to share with Bokuto. This had been their ritual for 5 years. 

Little did they know though, Akaashi was always among them, listening and laughing, and wishing he could tell them he was there. 

Akaashi, always invisible, always left out but never forgotten. 

It felt wonderful to still be loved.   
_______

Kuroo died young. 

8 years had passed when Kuroo was involved in a gas explosion at one of the laboratories he was working in and died while saving three other doctors. His actions were heroic and beautiful.

Akaashi made his way to Bokuto’s grave on that Friday evening, stopping at Kuroo’s grave on the way. 

Akaashi visited Bokuto’s grave often. He would sit down and talk to the air around him. 

Although he’d been gone for years, Akaashi still swore he heard Bokuto respond to him when he asked a question. Today, he thought he heard a second voice, answering as well. He would sit and talk about anything and everything. 

In the silence without Bokuto and the loneliness of being completely invisible, Akaashi learned to speak up on his own. He loved to count out loud while watching the stars, looking for Bokuto’s that shined so brightly.

Counting the days until he could see him again. 

“God, Bokuto I miss you, I hope you can hear me.” 

It was tradition to say “Hi” to Bokuto every day, now it was a tradition to say “Hi” to Kuroo as well. The beautiful light that Bokuto was, attracted people and when he went to the stars, he took Akaashi’s heart with him. 

Akaashi’s existence was continuing in the same monotonous pattern as it always did. 

He watched everyone around him grow old, reach the stars, and laugh with Bokuto. 

He had many graves to visit on the day where his heart started to beat

He felt a tingly feeling take over his body and he realized what was happening. He sprinted out of his house, towards Bokuto’s grave and the sudden realization that, to speak to Bokuto one last time, was his wish. 

“Bokuto, I’m fading.” He sat in front of the grave as he always did but, this time, he wasn’t coming back. 

“I never wanted to worry you because you'll never see me again so I never told you what happens to guardians once we die.”

Akaashi started sobbing, loud heart-wrenching sobs for a life he couldn’t build for him and Bokuto. 

“We start to fade. Once our job is done we cease to exist. I guess my punishment for breaking the rules was sitting here, watching all of your friends, live and die. No one knows where we go but I never got my hopes up thinking it was wherever you went Bokuto.” Akaashi moved forward toward the grave letting his fingers trace the carves of his name etched in stone forever. 

“Wherever I go, I hope you know I never regret revealing myself to you. I never regret being yours and loving you Bokuto. You’re the only good thing that’s come from this cursed life I live. I wouldn’t even call it life before I met you. I was just surviving but you,” His voice cracked and he gasped for air as the sobs appeared in his throat, “You, made my life worth something and I’m eternally grateful for you.” He hugged Bokuto’s grave, as close as he could, pretending it was the strong boy who held him all those years ago. He peered down at his now transparent body and knew his time was up. 

“I’ll see you in the stars, star boy, I’ll count them, like I promised.” He screamed and cried for the love of his life, who was painfully taken away from him. The pain never stopped for Akaashi but he kept living. 

He knew his time was coming to end but he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to go to a place where Bokuto wasn’t, where he couldn’t see his light.

A place where he didn’t know if he could count the stars when he missed the boy he loved.

_____________________________

Akaashi’s eyes shot open. He looked around the room he was in. He was lying in a king sized bed with glass panel windows that overlooked an incredibly clear lake. The sun was just starting to rise over it, it’s beautiful yellow light reminding him of Bokuto’s bright eyes. 

“You’re never far from my mind, are you star boy?” Akaashi chuckled to himself before letting out a breath of relief at his liveliness. Having no clue where he was, he wanted to admire this beautiful view as much as he could. He sighed and walked towards the glass to get a better view. 

Akaashi was broken from his trance when he heard an all too familiar voice that made his heart stop.

“Akaashi?” 

The desperation was evident in Bokuto’s voice as Akaashi turned to see him. There he was, the star boy, standing in the doorway, shaking slightly as tears brimmed his eyes. 

“Akaashi, i-it’s really you?” Bokuto took a tentative step forward before throwing himself at Akaashi.

“It’s me.” Akaashi caught Bokuto and thanked the universe for letting him get to this moment. 

“It’s really you, Bokuto, my star boy.” He whispered before their lips met for the first time in years. Akaashi lingered there in that moment for what felt like hours. When they finally separated, Akaashi placed his forehead against Bokuto’s and whispered “I missed you” over and over again. 

The moment was suddenly so surreal that Bokuto stepped back, and picked up Akaashi, spinning around. 

“I KNEW YOU’D COME BACK FOR ME!” Bokuto yelled as the two of them fell on the bed laughing and hugging and being together. 

“Akaashi.” Bokuto murmured into Akaashi’s neck as they lay together in complete silence.

“Bokuto.” Akaashi replied, flowing his fingers through Bokuto’s thick hair. 

“I told every star I’ve ever counted about the boy I met who was made of them. Thank you for making me believe in love.” Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi gazed at Bokuto’s half asleep state and before he knew it his face was wet and his eyes had gone blurry. 

He hugged Bokuto to his body like the first day they met.

Just as eagerly.

The two lovers made their way out of their bedroom and toward the large balcony that overlooked the houses to their right, a small, perfect, neighborhood.

“AKAASHI IS HOME!” Someone screamed from the balcony next to Bokuto’s house. Akaashi ran to it and noticed two men, waving at them from across the way. 

Akaashi smiled as he recognized Kuroo and his eyes filled with tears at the mention of the word.

“Home.”

The smaller boy came forward and Akaashi met his eyes as the boy smiled and nodded. 

“Nice to finally meet you, Kenma.” Akaashi called through tears. 

Bokuto came crashing out onto the balcony, hugging Akaashi tightly. 

“I knew you’d come back, I never once gave up hope.” Bokuto whispered into Akaashi’s shoulders. Bokuto grabbed Akaashi’s hand and started pulling him down the stairs toward the door. 

“I have so many people who have been waiting to see you!”

And with that, Akaashi finally realized what it was like to truly be loved. 

____________

“YOU MAY NOW KISS YOUR HUSBAND!” 

Akaashi and Bokuto and Kenma and Kuroo had joint weddings as they believed it was appropriate based on what crazy lives they lived. 

Bokuto and Akaashi spent every moment together without the fear of losing one another.

As did Kuroo and Kenma, their love only grew through the paradise they resided in.

They laughed and talked for eternity. 

Finally married, finally creating the life that they wanted to so long ago. 

They hadn’t realized it yet but they were in the stars the entire time. 

Counting and waiting. 

Waiting for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who read this book, please please leave comments, share it with your friends, I'd love your feedback. I love you all THANK YOU!! 
> 
> -T

**Author's Note:**

> Love you all, T


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